shipping | open + overflow post

[ In the years that they've been together, his love for Tony has grown exponentially. He'd never thought that possible, but the depth of Steve's love for him is practically as legendary as the men involved, now. Even Strange had a bone to pick with him about it, but Steve hadn't cared much about that. He'd stood his ground, said he wasn't sorry, and they'd carried on.

Now that it seems like their time might be cut short again, Steve's starting to feel that same desperation he had on that battlefield, the kind that led him to make decisions that got him on some sort of watchlist by the sorcerers.

Again, he didn't regret it in the least.

He'd give anything to be in the other position, right now. To be the one dying. He'd make that deal in a heartbeat, if he had to. And if he doesn't, then he wants at least another fifty years with him, a whole lifetime to live with him, to guide Alice, to watch her grow and thrive.

He can start with coffee and pastries. It reminds him of their first month together. ]

Sure.

There's a place close by. But we could take the jet back, meet everyone at the Compound. Or home, even. Wherever your notes are.

Home'll be good. Lab's just as set up there. [Because of course it is. Even in their supposed retirement family-rearing phase, Tony has always needed a place to work. Sure the Compound would be bigger but he wants to be home.] We'll talk to Alice, before everyone gets there. [We will, he makes sure to say that. Because he can't just leave it to Steve to try and explain this to her. They'll talk to her together and Tony will do his best to reassure both her and Steve, he knows.

Will do his best to put that strong front on. Get through this for them.]

But let's get a coffee first. Bring some pastries home for her. I think you also deserve a little something for all your recent troubles. [Not the least of which was Steve landing the jet and then booking it to the hospital. He's disguising this, though, his need to spend these last few moments where they're not in a rush to save him. Maybe they should be. But it doesn't matter. They'll have to wait for Bruce and Shuri so maybe even selfishly he just wants to sit down. Have a coffee. Put his hand in Steve's and pretend everything's okay.]

Sure. I'll find the pinkest pastry they have.

[ She's still in that phase where she likes pinks and purples and will pick a pastry just because it's the fanciest-looking one. It's kind of cute. ]

This reminds me of Paris. Remember? The poor workers at the pâtisserie thought we were going to clear them out.

[ They kept trying to tell him that they were best eaten fresh, as if Steve wouldn't just sit outside and polish off the whole box of them. He'd never felt so judged as he had been in Paris, but it had still been a good trip. There's a brief pause. ]

When this is all over, let's go somewhere. You, me and Alice.

[ He opens the door to a coffee shop, and they get seated right away. Not like they weren't iconic before, but ever since Tony's new look, they always get recognized immediately. Steve used to get annoyed at this, that they'd see them and immediately treat them differently, but today it's a blessing. ]

We could have. It's only because you're so polite we didn't. [Tony only vaguely remembers telling Steve that Parisians were absolute snobs and they certainly didn't disappoint. After enough of it it became less amusing and more Tony wanting to pick fights with people, unable to hold back sass at times because honestly. Who judges Captain America?

He doesn't fuss when the front person buzzes with electricity and gestures them to a table immediately. Calm and cool about it as he always is just to keep the energy level as low as possible to not draw in others. Just a wave, a grin, and some gratitude as he sits opposite Steve. He expects that for the next few weeks or however long this is going to take, he might fall back into his usual habits of subsisting on coffee, and finds that he's really looking forward to a hot cup right about then.]

Sure. [Reaching over he puts his hand atop Steve's, skin on skin. Still a little emotionally frazzled from the hospital room confessions. Just seeking out some comfort without really thinking about it.] Should we ask her where she wants to go? [He can't help his smile. Imagining her probably picking Disney or maybe a science museum.] Or should we revisit one of our greatest hits? [His expression warms as he seems to be thinking about something. His gaze catches Steve's and he offers,] Maybe she'd like making sand castles on a black sand beach.

[ If Steve catches wind of Tony only eating coffee, and he will, considering that he's watching Tony extremely closely now that he's already missed so much about this, he'll sit him down and make him eat. He'll pull him away from his work to make him eat.

Steve turns his hand over in Tony's so they can rest palm to palm, and looks up. He is tired, but he'd thought that it was a byproduct of aging, of working too hard, and of course, the snap. That had taken such a toll on him. Half of him is still a bit burned up, but Steve had always let Tony know he finds that part of him beautiful, that he only avoids it in case it's sensitive. He helped Tony with all his care, when he was recovering. Their friends understood, and helped watch Alice. Pepper had brought over Morgan, and they'd had playdates, which Steve was infinitely grateful for.

He thought he'd known Tony best, had seen him overcome everything. ]

Let's ask her. We can show her photos, see if she wants to visit any of those places. Maybe we'll get the villa again.

[ But maybe not, since it would be hard to take a fussy child all around the island in order to get anywhere. It's also definitely clear that Steve's trying to maintain this conversation, but he sounds a bit somber, as much as he tries to hide it. ]

Wouldn't that be something. [If Alice wanted to go, if they could figure out a vacation that would be suitable for her. Things to do. Tony could definitely arrange to get the villa. Or any villa. Buy out the whole beach. Whatever needed to be done so that their little family could have their privacy while also having a good time.

There's been no shortage of vultures and press vying to get pictures and video of Alice. Almost as if she's a royal celebrity. And Tony, of course, overprotective by nature, has done everything to avoid that. To give her a normal life.

The blue that seems to have consumed Steve is all too noticeable. Because it's obvious. Who wouldn't be upset after hearing what he'd just been told? But in comparison to his usual self, it's like clouds have rolled in over the sun.]

This will work. [What more can he say? What more can he do than try to assure Steve that everything is going to be okay? He can't imagine how he would feel in Steve's position but he knows that if it were reversed, after the initial shock and heartache, Tony would do everything in him to figure it out. So that's what he has to do for himself, too. For Steve and Alice.

He plays his usual song. Smiling wryly as he draws the tips of his fingers over the lines in Steve's palm.] I know how much trouble you got in to keep me here. I'm not about to squander that. The Bleecker Street magician might show up out of nowhere with an I told you so and I can't have that.

[ Steve looks as if he's been struck. If this isn't going to work, not even Stephen would be cruel enough to come to a grieving Steve and tell him "I told you so." But even if he thinks it too hard, Steve in his grief might do something reprehensible. ]

Sorry, I--

[ He needs to be strong, for Tony. Tony's the one going through this, Steve needs to be strong and support him. ]

I just need time to adjust. That's all. It's not sinking in. It feels wrong.

[ He feels unmoored, like everything around him is just crumbling away. When he realized he was a fugitive, and it felt like he might never get to see Tony again, and their futures were gone just like that, was so hard. But at the time, Tony was alive, and that was all Steve needed to know. Somewhere, out there, the other half of his heart was missing him too, but could heal, and could thrive.

To hold onto their rope and find the other end empty and frayed, he doesn't know what he would do.

He blinks back tears and gives Tony's hand a squeeze. ]

Maybe she'll like Disney World. Unless you think she'd already be bored of the rides.

[His eyes drop, that another hot wash of shame and guilt just pouring over him. He feels awful. Maybe he should have said something sooner. He could explain that he was waiting to see if he would level off. Could explain that it had seemed less important in the face of trying to get back to whatever could be called normal after all this. All the press and politics that had come with snapping fifty-percent of everyone back. That Steve had been through enough trying to get him back to health and that had been a hell in and of itself. That some part of him just assumed it would be okay until it wasn't-

...Steve tries to go on but Tony suddenly can't. He feels terrible.]

I should've said something. I'm sorry. [He just says it. And lets it sit there so that there's no excuse backing it. He is sorry. There's not much he can do.] I'm good at this. Always have been. It's not on you. [He has some small suspicion that Steve will wonder why he didn't see the signs- Tony would blame himself, too, and he just doesn't want him to do that.] You'd think after how many years we've been together I would've learned by now. [So he takes it all on, self-deprecating as always but he doesn't let this one linger.] I've gotten myself out of tougher jams. I'm not going anywhere. [His fingers twine with Steve's and he holds on tightly, as he gazes at him.] I promise.

[ Steve wants to tell him not to apologize, but Tony's still going, and he doesn't want to interrupt. He loves this man, and yes, he's so frustrating all the time, but that hardly matters when they could have sparse little time left. And Tony promises that he'll fix it, but then why was he so worried earlier?

Steve wants to believe him, more than anything, but nothing in life is guaranteed, and this is too important to him.

He lets a tear fall as the waiter comes over and asks if they want another minute. Steve tearily shakes his head and asks for one of all their pastries and two coffees, and then amends to say two of whatever pastry they've got is the pinkest, wrapped up in a separate box.

Then he turns his attention back to Tony. ]

You'd better not. Go anywhere.

[ He tries a joke. ]

I can't teach Alice robotics.

[That waiter is lucky Steve soldiered on because Tony was about two seconds from telling him to come back later. Sharply. It must be obvious they're having a moment. But he waits for Steve to finish and then once the guy is gone he takes his hand out of Steve's so that he can touch his face, wipe away the trail of that tear. He'll probably live with the guilt of what this is doing to Steve for the rest of his life. But that's the important thing.

He'd gladly do so as long as he has a life to live.]

Come on, now. [Finally he allows the conversation to move just a little and he grins at Steve, though it's not up to its usual par.] I'm not going anywhere, but she'll be the one teaching you robotics, if anything. [And because she is so easy to focus on he can't help but say,]

It blows me away. How smart she is. [And she's still so little. But Tony figures he'll probably always feel that way about her. There was a time there where he absolutely was not sure kids were for him. He's glad to have overcome that. He can't imagine his life without their baby girl.] I'm sure she'll be excited to have everyone over. [Uncle Bruce and Princess Shuri. Some of the world's smartest under their roof for a couple weeks. They'll be working on something extremely important but that doesn't mean that house won't be aglow with mental energy. Alice included. Even if she really won't be able to contribute at that capacity.]

She's really brilliant, isn't she? She gets that from you.

[ He loves his daughter so much, and sometimes he scoops her up and feels just like he's holding a mini Tony. Ever since she'd learn to speak, she'd picked up his sass as well, though because she's such a sweet little gremlin, Steve can't help but love her all the more. And then he thinks, maybe that's where Tony gets it from. He's always been cute, all his life. ]

And she's getting so big now. I feel like she was smaller than a loaf of bread just yesterday.

[ Now she's nearly up to Steve's hip, though she's still small enough that Steve can just pick her up and hoist her over his head. Well, he probably could do that well into her adulthood, but it's still socially acceptable for him to do that, so he'll do that as much as he possibly can. ]

She looks more like you every day, too. She's got your eyes.

[ Bright, curious, big and with ridiculous eyelashes, is what he means. ]

We have a great kid.

[ He's glad that they've decided to change the topic. Talking and thinking about Alice fills him with a huge sense of calmness. At the very least, he doesn't have to be hiding his smile anymore. It's small, but the clouds are starting to clear. ]

A couple more blinks and she'll be off to college collecting several PHDs. [He says this as a joke but his heart aches at the thought of it. Somehow it's all going by so quickly. He never thought he'd love someone quite in the way he loves Alice. It's what they always say, that that part of you just doesn't open up until you've got them in your arms and he experienced it first hand. After coming back from space, barely even able to hold her on his own he'd been so weak.

But sitting up in that bed with Steve, cradling her together, everything else had vanished. She had been so small, and Tony knows he'll always see her as his little girl, but she is getting bigger. All the time. And all the more reason he needs to figure his shit out, so he doesn't miss it all. He feels like all this rehab and now this has put a huge dent in his time with her. Makes him feel like a failure. The one thing he never wanted to do to his kid was what his father did to him and somehow he feels like he's doing exactly that. Disappearing. The thought destroys him.]

Luckily she's not all me or we'd be in a lot more trouble. I wasn't nearly as honest at her age and she definitely gets that from you. [The mix of their parenting styles has really been a blessing. What he feels he lacks, Steve always is there to balance out. Which has always been the case with the both of them, in a lot of aspects. He's not sure he could have raised a kid as kind and as compassionate as they have if Steve hadn't been doing it with him.

His hand falls to rest atop Steve's again.] We do. And not that I'm biased but I also think she happens to be everyone else's favorite, too. [Super biased. Tony would probably spoil Alice forever and be her biggest fan no matter how old she gets.]

[ He smiles and thinks that yes, they might be biased, but they really do have an amazing kid. She's got some of their bad qualities, yes - she's stubborn, and way too precocious, and often she doesn't listen to anyone. But she's got all their good traits, too. She's smart, witty, and never gives up. She's caring, and honest. She's a good kid. ]

Bet we change our minds once she's a teenager.

[ She seems so spirited, like Tony. Steve's sure that she'll get into loads of trouble later, particularly given how she's got Tony's trademark grin, and will doubtless grow up to be beautiful. But Steve might be very biased, considering how beautiful he finds her father. ]

When that happens, she's yours to manage. Shake me on it.

[ He actually extends a hand. Partially it's for the fact that Steve truly does feel like he might be a better father in early childhood than he is in late, but partially because he wants Tony to be there, when she's a teenager. Tony's already promised that, but Steve wants the whole universe in on it. He'd pulled favors from his pool of karma when he'd turned back the time on Tony, and he needs another miracle. ]

[Oh. Yes. She's so cute and wonderful now. Tony can't imagine what she'll be like when she's a teenager. The thought looks like it just simply has not occurred to him but now that it's put out there like that...]

We might be in real trouble, if she takes after me. [He was not a good kid. He knows this. He got into a lot of trouble. Did things he shouldn't have. Was really on his worst behavior all the time. But, hey, some of that might have been a lot of acting out due to his home-life situation. Maybe with more stability and two full time loving parents, Alice wouldn't be as bad. But... she'll still be a little wild. Independent streak a mile wide. Tony just has that feeling.

His eyes drop to that offered hand. The meaning behind it is so clear. But he doesn't wait, putting his hand in Steve's and just holding on.] I think it'll be payback for the way I was, probably. [Tony will figure this out. And if he couldn't do it on his own, which he'd never admit, Steve's already preemptively taken action by calling in the best people they know. Together, as a group at least, Tony has faith that he will see it through to the other side of this. The waiter comes back around, leaving their drinks and the box of pastries. Tony picks up his cup quickly, taking a long sip. He'll need no small amount of caffeine to get through all this.]

But I'll still need your help, you know. I can deal with when she sneaks out at night or starts hanging out with people we don't like. But if she starts dating below her weight class that's when I'll need you to do the classic Captain America stare of disapproval on whoever she brings home. [Tony can't think of a more uncomfortable glare for a teenager to sit under. He thinks it'll work pretty well.]

[ Well, Tony was still like how he was as a kid sometimes, always going off and doing his own thing, sometimes not stopping to realize that he might need to call in the cavalry. But that's all right, because Steve is here to remind him that he's not alone. He has a whole extended family who loves him, who cares for him, and who want him to live to see many more birthdays. ]

Bet you were a nightmare.

[ He smiles and takes a sip of his coffee. ]

If I hadn't gone into the ice, I imagine I'd be the one marching you back home, giving you that Captain America stare of disapproval.

[ But that didn't happen, and now they're here contemplating what it's going to be like when Alice gets a little too old to be coddled but is too young to be an adult. ]

But sure. I think there'll be a lot of shovel talks in our future. Do you think they'll possibly want to get on our bad side?

[ It would honestly be considered sacrilege to piss off either of them, at this point, considering how much their immediate communities rallied behind them. There's time for that to change, though, the accords taught him that. ]

You could have FRIDAY do it for us.

Probably the certified worst. [Agreeing easily where he knows it's true. He's had a long time to reflect at this point on his teenage years. Nightmare might not even come close.

The thought of some other universe where Howard had found Steve and Steve had just been one of his dad's friends- it gets an immediate look of distaste. He's sure Steve's not wrong. Howard definitely would have asked Steve to try and mentor him, knock some sense into him, get him to stop wasting his life as he'd so often been told. It sounds like the absolute worst. If there's a universe out there that that happened in, he feels sorry for that Tony. Because he would have missed out on something much more amazing.]

It's not about them getting on our bad side. It's whether or not they're good enough for her. [And if Tony's very honest with himself he knows he's going to be one of the annoying dads who thinks that no one could possibly be good enough for his daughter.]

We'll see about that. I imagine she'll start making a few AIs of her own eventually. One day she'll outclass me. You can bet on that. [Not that he would ever push on her like that or ask her to do better. Never ever would he do that to her. Not like Howard had to him. But. ...it's more than likely. And really there's nothing more promising than knowing whatever she chooses to do she'll be stellar at it. He won't ask her to change the world, and certainly not to save it, if there's a lot of saving left to do. But Alice will be a frontline leader in whatever she puts her mind to. Tony knows this. And he's already proud of her.]

I just hope she stays on the tech side and less... [There's that thought. He sighs, takes a sip of his coffee and then shakes his head.] She's already started rooting around in the garage. I caught her with one of the Iron Man helmets the other day. I don't think I got around to telling you. [Because literally right after the entirety of his world had rearranged itself what with time travel and nearly dying. But maybe that's not even really a surprise, considering she has the little knitted LED repulsors. But still, Tony thinks. There's a huge difference between wanting toys and putting on actual gear.]

Oh.

[ That breaks his heart a little, because so many boys and girls idolize them as heroes. So why shouldn't Alice? But he knows the dangers, and he does want to keep his kid out of the family business. After all, they've both nearly died a couple times a pop, easy, and Thanos is still trying to get the last laugh. To hurt them one last time.

But if anything, Steve knows she'll understand. Because she's seen Tony's sacrifice, she lives with it every day. She's seen everyone else's scars, heard sanitized versions of their stories. She'll know most of all what a difficult life this would be. ]

We can't stop her, but we could discourage her. I was kinda thinking... in a perfect world, where we could retire, there wouldn't be any need for her to take up our mantles.

[ Yeah, yeah. He knows. Giddy optimism, perfect teeth. It doesn't make it less what he feels, that he thought they'd be further along by now, that he'd rather keep fighting until his legs give out, to not have Alice have to take his place. The world isn't ready to lose Iron Man, but Steve Rogers is neither ready to lose him nor see his protege take his place. ]

Kids never keep their interests that long but... I'm still hoping the most she wants out of life is to be an engineer. Or an artist. Maybe an actress. A harpist. Just. Just not that.

I know. [To all of it, said and unsaid, Tony knows. He feels the exact same way. He doesn't want her to have that hero's heart. But if nothing else, she'll probably get it from Steve. Unable to turn her back on someone in need. And eventually that'll build to larger heights.]

Discouraging only makes them do the thing more. Trust me. I can't even relive what Peter did with that whole street-level weapons nightmare without sweating. [Tony had kept telling him no, no, no and the kid just didn't listen. Ever. At any point. Didn't trust Tony to handle it. Sure. It ended up alright, but for a moment there Tony had severely overreacted. ...he doesn't want to do that with Alice. Part of him is worried he might. Because he can't stand the thought of her getting into a suit or picking up a shield and being put in harm's way.]

But hey. After all this. I think I'm looking a little more at that perfect world. [Things had been nice- ...which is terrible to think. But that lapse, that five years where things were so out of whack, where everyone had to pick up the slack and there wasn't a lot of room for large scale threats... it was kind of nice. He'd probably never say that out loud because it's a terrible thing to say. He knows that. But. ...it had been nice. It had been quiet. They'd been able to focus on their family.] Not to bring down the mood or anything, but maybe the universe at large can appreciate we've given just about all we have to give. [Almost quite literally, and perhaps if he lets himself think he can't get out of this hole, still might be on track.

Because he also so desperately does not want to upset Steve again he flips the lid of the pastry box open and finds himself smiling.] That's nice. She'll like that. [Inside as asked for their pinkest pink pastry happens to be a strawberry pink swiss roll with glittery sprinkles.]

[ Tony may feel like he's at the end of his rope, and that's fair. He's been through a lot, and he's battling his own mortality, again. It seems like old news with Tony, but Steve is still battling with this, emotionally. If Tony dies, he doesn't know if he'll be able to take up the shield anymore. He doesn't know if he'll be able to look at it anymore.

She's done him well, but now he associates her with him, all the time. And if Alice loses one parent, he'll have to choose his daughter over the world, no question. He'll have to raise her, knowing the world took Tony from them. Knowing he couldn't ever risk having his child have to bury both her parents in short succession, because both of them knew what it was to be young and without them. ]

We can retire after this.

[ The two of them, together, he means. He doesn't want to imagine a future without Tony in it. ]

You, me. Stay at the house. Get paged in only on emergencies.

[ And spend most of their days sitting on their chairs in the backyard, overlooking the calm of the water. Those are some of the most beautiful memories he has with Tony there. They could make so many more. ]

[He hadn't meant to try and goad Steve into giving him the impossible- and it might be hilarious to somebody that he's the one asking. Not that after their first tremendous loss it hadn't been on his docket. But even then it hadn't been promised. Not even with raising Alice had the two of them ever really talked about it. Not like this. Because the entirety of their relationship had always been built around this idea that there was no stopping.

No quitting. No end. The world was not guaranteed safety and they had jobs to do. It was the very thing that ruined his relationship with Pepper. It was one of the biggest reasons he'd felt safety building a future with Steve. Because they both understood it.

Now... hearing Steve say it? He finds himself a little awestruck. The team has been reformed by now. There are new faces. And it feels like more enhanced are coming out of the woodwork every day. But that still didn't mean the world wouldn't need them. It didn't even mean it was fair for them to stop. And yet. And yet...

Both his hands take one of Steve's, just holding him. Watching him.] I'd like that. [He barely gives voice to this, it's such a low murmur. He's never bought into the whole fate thing but after everything else he's seen maybe he should. And he's worried that they'll ruin the idea. Tempt something worse out of the fold. Tony's not really sure he could handle worse right now.]

But let's finish this, first. Before we start planning the retirement party. [Trying not to somberly voice the knowledge that this is Tony stepping around death for what probably will be the last time. He's not sure how many more times he'll get away with it. But this one last one he will. For Steve. For Alice. For their little family that he'd be lost without. He grins, then.] Not that I don't expect one. With tacky decorations and one of those annoying oversized cards everyone hates signing.

[ Honestly, Steve's got many years left in the tank, but this? This scares him. Knowing Tony may slowly die from his body finally giving out, that scares him. Because he knows Tony's always been so alive, so kinetic. He'd shoved a battery into his own chest and decided to roll with it. And something about that made him seem like he might even outlive Steve, because he would keep just coming up with a new patch, a new upgrade.

And hey, he might still, might have something to get him out of it up his sleeve, but somehow this feels more real. That someday, Alice might have to be told that one of her parents didn't make it. And Steve thinks about that and thinks that yeah, maybe it's time to step back from the job a little bit. Cut their hours. Start to mentor the new team instead.

But he couldn't let Tony go back out there anymore, not like this. Retirement had looked nice on them, and Steve had loved every moment of seeing Alice grow up and become a little lady, not missing one second. Yes, he knew what their jobs mean to them, but he also thinks it's time. ]

Okay. We'll finish this. And then I'll get you a big sheet cake from the grocery. And you can get me a commemorative t-shirt.

[ He reaches for Tony's face, caresses his cheek. ]

Soon as we get on that jet. I'm not letting you go until landing.

[Luckily for him, maybe for the both of them, his brain is still going at a million miles a second. And as long as he can still think he can still get out of this. Still find a solution. Already some are threading through, he's been thinking about this for a little bit. He's not sure what the end result will look like- just as long as it achieves what he wants it to and he doesn't explode, that's really all he needs.]

Alright, deal. You'll have to wear it all day and it'll probably be the tackiest thing money can buy. Maybe we'll have everyone sign that instead.

[It's automatic, the way his hand reaches up to cover Steve's. Holding him there. Head tilting into the touch. He'll need that, too, really. They'll seek that comfort out in each other and hopefully over a couple hours of flight time be able to get back to some sort of steady baseline so that they can talk to Alice, Rhodey, and then others when they get there. It's going to be an extremely emotionally taxing time for the both of them. Tony just hopes he has enough in the tank to keep powering through it.]

FRIDAY's flying home then, I take it. [Which she's more than capable of doing if they request for her to take the proverbial wheel. With his other hand he picks up his cup and takes the last sips of his coffee.] I think I'll need one for the road, though, but other than that, whenever you're ready. [There's a solemnness, maybe even a nervousness to the way he says this though he tries his best to keep it in check. To be strong. To stay strong. Leaving here somehow means the start of their journey, the last legs of this particular problem. Tony's confident he can get through this. But... there's always that little what-if circling somewhere. He just can't let it take him too far.]

[ All the pastries are wrapped up in a box, so he's ready to go. For some reason, he's lost all his appetite in the meanwhile of this conversation, and he's only been able to get through half a pastry. They won't go to waste though. The rest of the Avengers might want some, and if not, Steve will finish them off.

He gets up and walks with Tony outside once he's called for an uber to take them to the field he left the quinjet in. He doesn't want Tony to have to worry about anything right now, and he knows they're both to have a long, terrible day ahead of them.

The ride's somber, and even the driver can feel it, doesn't ask them anything. Steve has his arm around Tony the whole time, gets out in the clearing, walks Tony up the loading and straight into the bridge, where he places the box down. Over the years, they've left some personal things in here. It almost looks like a small living space, or a family car. He issues instructions for Friday, and then immediately gathers Tony up. ]

I love you.

[ Not much more needs to be said right now, he thinks. ]

[There is this clawing need to say something. To fill that silence. He doesn't like to stew. Doesn't like being so out of control and one of the best ways he knows to feel like gaining it back is being hyper-verbal, as Natasha so lovingly had called it once upon a time.

But he doesn't know what to say. Anything that came out of him would be hollow and maybe even misplaced. Really the worst thing is he wants to comfort Steve but he doesn't know how. He'll just have to get through to the other side of this and let a well-placed cheeky I told you so be the trophy. The end goal. The only way to comfort Steve is to keep living.

Worse than that, though, the bottomless need to keep active comes from the way he feels himself drifting. The tiredness he'd been ignoring and putting off settling into his bones. It's a deep ache that he can't get away from. He's glad to be out of the discomfort of the Uber and onto the jet, if only because at least there the two of them are safe to just be.

There's a warmth in Steve's presence, as he's drawn in, no resistance in him whatsoever.] I love you. [Still even after all these years soothed by their almost ritualistic call and response.] If you're not careful I'll fall asleep on you. [Then there it comes, words without a filter, not thought out very carefully. Because once he hears himself say it he regrets it. Almost like admitting yes he is that tired. Even with the recent injection of caffeine. As if it wasn't already obvious. He tries to save it.]

Coffee maker's gonna get a real workout. Almost like breaking it out of retirement. [He hasn't drank as much, in these years where things were mostly quiet. Hasn't needed to. Had settled exceptionally well when he was just tending to his family, growing with them and loving them and not worried about looming threats and a thousand projects to work on. He still tinkered and worked, mind not allowing him to ever really rest, but he certainly couldn't be said to be as active as he had when he'd been truly tumbling through his more manic states. He'd remembered what he used to be like, with the time travel equation opening up to him and then the subsequent mission immediately afterwards. He imagines this will be exactly like that.] You think anything we have around will be good enough for Shuri? [Only the warmest of teases.]

Sweetheart.

[ If the call and response is ritual by now, then so is Steve calling Tony by one of his favored nicknames, as if to remind him that this is what he is to Steve. Not just Iron Man, not just Tony Stark, but his sweetheart. His lover, the one he's supposed to be taking care of. He takes that role extremely seriously. And sometimes it's to get in between him and a villain, and sometimes it's just to get him to admit that he's tired. ]

You can sleep on me until we get home. You should. I'll wake you.

[ He kisses Tony's hair and gives him a little ruffle. Tony consistently puts his nose to the grind until there's none left, and Steve hates it. He'll never not take an opportunity to get him to relax, to get him to lean on Steve and let him take care of things for awhile, to take care of him for awhile. ]

And I'll deal with Shuri when she gets in. Don't worry about it.

[ If indeed, Tony runs out of reasons for wanting to make it through this, besides to prove Steve wrong, he'll still chalk that up to a win. He laces their fingers together, and presses a cheek to his cheek. ]

We never lost this.

[ He smiles against Tony's cheek. ]

The first time I held your hand in the car ride over to our first date. I always thought I'd get used to this feeling, but I guess I never lost it. Still makes my heart do backflips.

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