Probably the certified worst. [Agreeing easily where he knows it's true. He's had a long time to reflect at this point on his teenage years. Nightmare might not even come close.
The thought of some other universe where Howard had found Steve and Steve had just been one of his dad's friends- it gets an immediate look of distaste. He's sure Steve's not wrong. Howard definitely would have asked Steve to try and mentor him, knock some sense into him, get him to stop wasting his life as he'd so often been told. It sounds like the absolute worst. If there's a universe out there that that happened in, he feels sorry for that Tony. Because he would have missed out on something much more amazing.]
It's not about them getting on our bad side. It's whether or not they're good enough for her. [And if Tony's very honest with himself he knows he's going to be one of the annoying dads who thinks that no one could possibly be good enough for his daughter.]
We'll see about that. I imagine she'll start making a few AIs of her own eventually. One day she'll outclass me. You can bet on that. [Not that he would ever push on her like that or ask her to do better. Never ever would he do that to her. Not like Howard had to him. But. ...it's more than likely. And really there's nothing more promising than knowing whatever she chooses to do she'll be stellar at it. He won't ask her to change the world, and certainly not to save it, if there's a lot of saving left to do. But Alice will be a frontline leader in whatever she puts her mind to. Tony knows this. And he's already proud of her.]
I just hope she stays on the tech side and less... [There's that thought. He sighs, takes a sip of his coffee and then shakes his head.] She's already started rooting around in the garage. I caught her with one of the Iron Man helmets the other day. I don't think I got around to telling you. [Because literally right after the entirety of his world had rearranged itself what with time travel and nearly dying. But maybe that's not even really a surprise, considering she has the little knitted LED repulsors. But still, Tony thinks. There's a huge difference between wanting toys and putting on actual gear.]
[ That breaks his heart a little, because so many boys and girls idolize them as heroes. So why shouldn't Alice? But he knows the dangers, and he does want to keep his kid out of the family business. After all, they've both nearly died a couple times a pop, easy, and Thanos is still trying to get the last laugh. To hurt them one last time.
But if anything, Steve knows she'll understand. Because she's seen Tony's sacrifice, she lives with it every day. She's seen everyone else's scars, heard sanitized versions of their stories. She'll know most of all what a difficult life this would be. ]
We can't stop her, but we could discourage her. I was kinda thinking... in a perfect world, where we could retire, there wouldn't be any need for her to take up our mantles.
[ Yeah, yeah. He knows. Giddy optimism, perfect teeth. It doesn't make it less what he feels, that he thought they'd be further along by now, that he'd rather keep fighting until his legs give out, to not have Alice have to take his place. The world isn't ready to lose Iron Man, but Steve Rogers is neither ready to lose him nor see his protege take his place. ]
Kids never keep their interests that long but... I'm still hoping the most she wants out of life is to be an engineer. Or an artist. Maybe an actress. A harpist. Just. Just not that.
I know. [To all of it, said and unsaid, Tony knows. He feels the exact same way. He doesn't want her to have that hero's heart. But if nothing else, she'll probably get it from Steve. Unable to turn her back on someone in need. And eventually that'll build to larger heights.]
Discouraging only makes them do the thing more. Trust me. I can't even relive what Peter did with that whole street-level weapons nightmare without sweating. [Tony had kept telling him no, no, no and the kid just didn't listen. Ever. At any point. Didn't trust Tony to handle it. Sure. It ended up alright, but for a moment there Tony had severely overreacted. ...he doesn't want to do that with Alice. Part of him is worried he might. Because he can't stand the thought of her getting into a suit or picking up a shield and being put in harm's way.]
But hey. After all this. I think I'm looking a little more at that perfect world. [Things had been nice- ...which is terrible to think. But that lapse, that five years where things were so out of whack, where everyone had to pick up the slack and there wasn't a lot of room for large scale threats... it was kind of nice. He'd probably never say that out loud because it's a terrible thing to say. He knows that. But. ...it had been nice. It had been quiet. They'd been able to focus on their family.] Not to bring down the mood or anything, but maybe the universe at large can appreciate we've given just about all we have to give. [Almost quite literally, and perhaps if he lets himself think he can't get out of this hole, still might be on track.
Because he also so desperately does not want to upset Steve again he flips the lid of the pastry box open and finds himself smiling.] That's nice. She'll like that. [Inside as asked for their pinkest pink pastry happens to be a strawberry pink swiss roll with glittery sprinkles.]
[ Tony may feel like he's at the end of his rope, and that's fair. He's been through a lot, and he's battling his own mortality, again. It seems like old news with Tony, but Steve is still battling with this, emotionally. If Tony dies, he doesn't know if he'll be able to take up the shield anymore. He doesn't know if he'll be able to look at it anymore.
She's done him well, but now he associates her with him, all the time. And if Alice loses one parent, he'll have to choose his daughter over the world, no question. He'll have to raise her, knowing the world took Tony from them. Knowing he couldn't ever risk having his child have to bury both her parents in short succession, because both of them knew what it was to be young and without them. ]
We can retire after this.
[ The two of them, together, he means. He doesn't want to imagine a future without Tony in it. ]
You, me. Stay at the house. Get paged in only on emergencies.
[ And spend most of their days sitting on their chairs in the backyard, overlooking the calm of the water. Those are some of the most beautiful memories he has with Tony there. They could make so many more. ]
[He hadn't meant to try and goad Steve into giving him the impossible- and it might be hilarious to somebody that he's the one asking. Not that after their first tremendous loss it hadn't been on his docket. But even then it hadn't been promised. Not even with raising Alice had the two of them ever really talked about it. Not like this. Because the entirety of their relationship had always been built around this idea that there was no stopping.
No quitting. No end. The world was not guaranteed safety and they had jobs to do. It was the very thing that ruined his relationship with Pepper. It was one of the biggest reasons he'd felt safety building a future with Steve. Because they both understood it.
Now... hearing Steve say it? He finds himself a little awestruck. The team has been reformed by now. There are new faces. And it feels like more enhanced are coming out of the woodwork every day. But that still didn't mean the world wouldn't need them. It didn't even mean it was fair for them to stop. And yet. And yet...
Both his hands take one of Steve's, just holding him. Watching him.] I'd like that. [He barely gives voice to this, it's such a low murmur. He's never bought into the whole fate thing but after everything else he's seen maybe he should. And he's worried that they'll ruin the idea. Tempt something worse out of the fold. Tony's not really sure he could handle worse right now.]
But let's finish this, first. Before we start planning the retirement party. [Trying not to somberly voice the knowledge that this is Tony stepping around death for what probably will be the last time. He's not sure how many more times he'll get away with it. But this one last one he will. For Steve. For Alice. For their little family that he'd be lost without. He grins, then.] Not that I don't expect one. With tacky decorations and one of those annoying oversized cards everyone hates signing.
[ Honestly, Steve's got many years left in the tank, but this? This scares him. Knowing Tony may slowly die from his body finally giving out, that scares him. Because he knows Tony's always been so alive, so kinetic. He'd shoved a battery into his own chest and decided to roll with it. And something about that made him seem like he might even outlive Steve, because he would keep just coming up with a new patch, a new upgrade.
And hey, he might still, might have something to get him out of it up his sleeve, but somehow this feels more real. That someday, Alice might have to be told that one of her parents didn't make it. And Steve thinks about that and thinks that yeah, maybe it's time to step back from the job a little bit. Cut their hours. Start to mentor the new team instead.
But he couldn't let Tony go back out there anymore, not like this. Retirement had looked nice on them, and Steve had loved every moment of seeing Alice grow up and become a little lady, not missing one second. Yes, he knew what their jobs mean to them, but he also thinks it's time. ]
Okay. We'll finish this. And then I'll get you a big sheet cake from the grocery. And you can get me a commemorative t-shirt.
[ He reaches for Tony's face, caresses his cheek. ]
Soon as we get on that jet. I'm not letting you go until landing.
[Luckily for him, maybe for the both of them, his brain is still going at a million miles a second. And as long as he can still think he can still get out of this. Still find a solution. Already some are threading through, he's been thinking about this for a little bit. He's not sure what the end result will look like- just as long as it achieves what he wants it to and he doesn't explode, that's really all he needs.]
Alright, deal. You'll have to wear it all day and it'll probably be the tackiest thing money can buy. Maybe we'll have everyone sign that instead.
[It's automatic, the way his hand reaches up to cover Steve's. Holding him there. Head tilting into the touch. He'll need that, too, really. They'll seek that comfort out in each other and hopefully over a couple hours of flight time be able to get back to some sort of steady baseline so that they can talk to Alice, Rhodey, and then others when they get there. It's going to be an extremely emotionally taxing time for the both of them. Tony just hopes he has enough in the tank to keep powering through it.]
FRIDAY's flying home then, I take it. [Which she's more than capable of doing if they request for her to take the proverbial wheel. With his other hand he picks up his cup and takes the last sips of his coffee.] I think I'll need one for the road, though, but other than that, whenever you're ready. [There's a solemnness, maybe even a nervousness to the way he says this though he tries his best to keep it in check. To be strong. To stay strong. Leaving here somehow means the start of their journey, the last legs of this particular problem. Tony's confident he can get through this. But... there's always that little what-if circling somewhere. He just can't let it take him too far.]
[ All the pastries are wrapped up in a box, so he's ready to go. For some reason, he's lost all his appetite in the meanwhile of this conversation, and he's only been able to get through half a pastry. They won't go to waste though. The rest of the Avengers might want some, and if not, Steve will finish them off.
He gets up and walks with Tony outside once he's called for an uber to take them to the field he left the quinjet in. He doesn't want Tony to have to worry about anything right now, and he knows they're both to have a long, terrible day ahead of them.
The ride's somber, and even the driver can feel it, doesn't ask them anything. Steve has his arm around Tony the whole time, gets out in the clearing, walks Tony up the loading and straight into the bridge, where he places the box down. Over the years, they've left some personal things in here. It almost looks like a small living space, or a family car. He issues instructions for Friday, and then immediately gathers Tony up. ]
I love you.
[ Not much more needs to be said right now, he thinks. ]
[There is this clawing need to say something. To fill that silence. He doesn't like to stew. Doesn't like being so out of control and one of the best ways he knows to feel like gaining it back is being hyper-verbal, as Natasha so lovingly had called it once upon a time.
But he doesn't know what to say. Anything that came out of him would be hollow and maybe even misplaced. Really the worst thing is he wants to comfort Steve but he doesn't know how. He'll just have to get through to the other side of this and let a well-placed cheeky I told you so be the trophy. The end goal. The only way to comfort Steve is to keep living.
Worse than that, though, the bottomless need to keep active comes from the way he feels himself drifting. The tiredness he'd been ignoring and putting off settling into his bones. It's a deep ache that he can't get away from. He's glad to be out of the discomfort of the Uber and onto the jet, if only because at least there the two of them are safe to just be.
There's a warmth in Steve's presence, as he's drawn in, no resistance in him whatsoever.] I love you. [Still even after all these years soothed by their almost ritualistic call and response.] If you're not careful I'll fall asleep on you. [Then there it comes, words without a filter, not thought out very carefully. Because once he hears himself say it he regrets it. Almost like admitting yes he is that tired. Even with the recent injection of caffeine. As if it wasn't already obvious. He tries to save it.]
Coffee maker's gonna get a real workout. Almost like breaking it out of retirement. [He hasn't drank as much, in these years where things were mostly quiet. Hasn't needed to. Had settled exceptionally well when he was just tending to his family, growing with them and loving them and not worried about looming threats and a thousand projects to work on. He still tinkered and worked, mind not allowing him to ever really rest, but he certainly couldn't be said to be as active as he had when he'd been truly tumbling through his more manic states. He'd remembered what he used to be like, with the time travel equation opening up to him and then the subsequent mission immediately afterwards. He imagines this will be exactly like that.] You think anything we have around will be good enough for Shuri? [Only the warmest of teases.]
[ If the call and response is ritual by now, then so is Steve calling Tony by one of his favored nicknames, as if to remind him that this is what he is to Steve. Not just Iron Man, not just Tony Stark, but his sweetheart. His lover, the one he's supposed to be taking care of. He takes that role extremely seriously. And sometimes it's to get in between him and a villain, and sometimes it's just to get him to admit that he's tired. ]
You can sleep on me until we get home. You should. I'll wake you.
[ He kisses Tony's hair and gives him a little ruffle. Tony consistently puts his nose to the grind until there's none left, and Steve hates it. He'll never not take an opportunity to get him to relax, to get him to lean on Steve and let him take care of things for awhile, to take care of him for awhile. ]
And I'll deal with Shuri when she gets in. Don't worry about it.
[ If indeed, Tony runs out of reasons for wanting to make it through this, besides to prove Steve wrong, he'll still chalk that up to a win. He laces their fingers together, and presses a cheek to his cheek. ]
We never lost this.
[ He smiles against Tony's cheek. ]
The first time I held your hand in the car ride over to our first date. I always thought I'd get used to this feeling, but I guess I never lost it. Still makes my heart do backflips.
[It might be entirely obvious, the way he just sort of melts. The way he eases. Steve's always been good at that. The call of that name just going straight to his heart. The rest of it filling him with warmth that almost makes it impossible not to want to give in.
He nuzzles, just a little, almost automatically, too. At times he's never really stopped worrying, about that Steve's core facet sometimes seems to just default to being the strong one. Leading the both of them around. Tony's not sure he's ever repaid that, or will ever be able to. But over the years it's been so easy to lean on that assurance, that strength.
His hand grips Steve's, as if holding on to a lifeline, but he smiles all the same.] Oh, are you telling me you still have a crush on me? [Amusement alight in his voice, in his eyes. It's fine anyway. Tony's still helplessly in love with him.]
I remember falling asleep on you then, too. On the way back. [Which had been new and strange. Never one to let his guard down so quickly but with Steve it had just felt right. Easy to trust him, not just at the helm of his car, but with his entire being.] Kinda makes me a bad co-pilot.
[ He grins at Tony because yes, it does seem like that's exactly what he's saying, isn't it? It's been a little over five years they've been married, and he feels sometimes like he said his vows yesterday, feels like those emotions are all still fresh. He kisses Tony's forehead and confesses to him: ]
I might have a crush on you. And I know, I know. It's dangerous to have a crush on a married man, but I can't help it. You give me butterflies every time.
[ He shoots him a fond look, which grows fonder yet as he recalls those days, all those years ago, and he really knew right away that Tony was the one, he thinks. That's how he remembers it, anyway. Realistically, he had originally tried not to fall for Tony too fast, but that had failed just a little spectacularly. ]
You're the greatest co-pilot, Tony. You're my man in the sky.
[ But he should let Tony get some sleep in. And, honestly, Steve should maybe get some of that too. ]
[The chuckles that spill out of him are just so overly besotted and warm. He tips up, hand sliding along Steve's chest for the moment. Just resting over his heart. Always steadied by the beat there.]
I won't tell if you don't. Can't have people thinking you're a homewrecker.
[Despite and even during their one giant miscommunication and his lapse in judgement, Tony's feelings for Steve have never lessened. Only grown stronger. He'd found solace in Steve, stability, a partner, a home. And he knows that he'll get through this because he still has all that in Steve. Knows he'll never lose that. And he'd never take that away from Steve, either. Not so long as he can help it.
Not so long as the world doesn't require him to go through one more wormhole or snap his fingers again. Which is why the thought of staying in is so appealing. No more worrying about the shadow around the corner. Except perhaps the biggest of the big ones. He can just...
Stay.]
And you're my everything. [His man on the ground, yes, something they'd agreed to maybe more than once, what with Tony's proclivity for wanting to give Steve a suit. Something that definitely lives in the garage anyway despite being told no a million times. But he's so much more than that. Everything is the only word that will fit it all, now.
He settles, cozies in, can't fight the weariness that's settled so deeply in him, especially not now that Steve has more or less given him permission. To drift, not to go. Only a small bit of him is worried if he keeps closing his eyes he might not open them again. But he doesn't voice that. He couldn't. And maybe that's what keeps his brain firing. Allows a small trickle of ice to keep him just on the line of sleep. Because even though he's crossed his arms, even though he's laid his head at Steve's shoulder and is definitely drifting, he says,]
I know- what it is. [Babbling a little. Maybe even just to himself.] How about... Extreme Tactical Remedy, Emergency Medical Intervention Serum. [Yes. Yes it's an acronym. EXTREMIS. He's reclaiming it. So clearly it'll work. And never has there been a time when Tony wasn't ridiculous.]
[ The backronym is awful, but Steve will let it slide because Tony's clearly tired and brain-addled. He just rubs Tony's flesh arm and allows him to drift off, hoping and praying for him to have a peaceful sleep. The white noise of the cabin helps, and that everything's set up to be a comfort to Tony as they're surrounded by knickknacks of their friends, possibly a stash or two of dried blueberries. ]
I love you, Tony Stark.
[ He whispers this into Tony's hair, when he's fairly certain he's already asleep, but it hardly matters. Tony is his to bestow love on, all he wants, even if he's not awake to hear it.
In the event that things don't work out for them, which Steve is regretting even considering, but has to admit is a distinct nonzero possibility, then he's at least very much sure that Tony will know how many he's touched. He'll know that he's so beloved by the whole world, by his team, but also most of all, by his family. By his husband, who had always planned to love him after death, provided they both live out their natural timespans, but never so soon.
But everything will work out, he thinks. He's not willing to lose him so soon, and he'll do anything within his power, and is pulling on favors for things outside his power, to accomplish this.
As promised, he does wake Tony when they land at the house, Steve choosing to do so by peppering kisses all over his face. ]
Come on. Everyone's here. I'll have to take out the air mattresses.
[While Tony might not hear him on the surface level, some part of him must. It aids in a better sleep. Though it's been proven time and time again that he's always had better sleep as long as it was next to Steve. Maybe he'd been running a little too hard on empty, though, because he still just feels like it's not enough.
A little disheveled and out of it when Steve tries to rouse him. A slow, soft noise comes out of him before he tries to start making words.]
Mn- I'm up. [He is not. But he soldiers on regardless.] Really feel like... we could do better than air mattresses. [He keeps talking because that'll help him wake up more and eventually the words start evening out and he starts sounding more alert.] Maybe we could put them up in whatever the nicest hotel is in town. [Which would be a bit away from their lake house, of course by design. Disadvantageous considering Tony will need them around the clock- or as much of around it they can stand. But. Still. They should be courteous to their guests. Especially the one that comes from direct royalty.
He settles his hand on Steve's cheek, eyes much more clear and alert as he fixes his focus on him for a few seconds while it's still just them.] Hi. [Smiling tiredly though he hardly means to, leaning in just to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Something to steady himself further before easing back.] Okay. Alright. Time to face the music. [Which is sort of what it feels like. He assumes Steve will have explained at least the minimum needed to get everyone there but Tony will have to bare a lot more- ...most importantly first, though, is Alice. Who he is dying to see, to wrap his arms around and just hold her for a little while.
And it's thinking of her that he picks up the box of pastries and hands them to Steve instead.] Your idea. You give it to her. [Tony's usual song and dance. But hey. At least he likes to give credit where it's due.]
[ Yeah, yeah, Tony's usual song and dance, which means Steve's crouching down and telling Alice that these pastries are because she's such a good girl, and papa and daddy wanted to treat her to something nice. And won't she help papa take them inside for all the guests, too?
It seems like they all came in record time. Faster than these two, anyway, because it appears like they hitched a ride with a sorcerer. Stephen Strange, who Steve still has not forgiven for his part in making Tony this way, is acting like it's the least he could do. Steve, who is usually so mild-mannered and civil, curtly agrees with him, but then offers him the box of pastries. ]
Not the pink one, that's for Alice.
[ He does want a little privacy to explain to his daughter what's going on, but everyone's already set up a station. Shuri and Bruce come to greet them with hugs, the former gabbing on about how smart their little girl is, the latter starting to give an update as he seems to have taken up with FRIDAY.
Steve breathes a sigh of relief, and then he kisses Tony's temple. ]
I'm going to go set up the guest rooms. No air mattresses. Gotta reinforce Bruce's bed, anyway. It's nice to see you.
Strange, are you staying?
[ The wizard shakes his head no, but gives them his card. He'll be available for magical intervention, and calling on anyone else in the universe they require, apparently. Steve politely thanks him as he leaves. ]
[The second he sees her, darting across from the house, Tony takes a knee. And while Steve tells her to take the pastries inside, he decides to aid in that because he does put his arms around her and lift her up, propping her on his hip. One of these days she'll be too old for this, and maybe he will, too. She feels heavier than he remembers but he attributes that to everything else going on. He gives none of it away, though, happy to just hold on to her and listen to her go on and on and on about her day, maybe a little too excited about so many of her favorite people around.
Rhodey's just got that look about him, Tony notes, as they enter the house. And they share a gaze that probably speaks a thousand words in a manner of seconds. Tony merely observes the ice between Steve and Strange, always partly amused and part warmed because all of that is on his behalf. He's still not sure how he feels, really. Strange made a call to save the universe. Would Tony have done differently? Clearly not, because he snapped his fingers. He's lucky Steve bested the both of them. That's all he knows.
And while he wanted to have a moment with Alice, to speak plainly and as candidly with her as possible for someone her age, it's hard to do in a home full of people who already mostly know what's going on. FRIDAY will have uploaded the files from his recent medical visit and at this point there's almost nothing he can hold back about his current state if he'd actually like some help. So he sets Alice down and tells her to accompany Steve in helping make up the guest rooms, dubbing her the official project manager here which she of course is tickled with and takes with pride.
Once she's out of the room he waits longer still until he's really sure she's out of earshot and then he unloads on their guests. Explains in perhaps a bizarrely casual and snarky way that his time is running thin and they have a small window. He ignores the way Bruce immediately goes solemn, the way Rhodey's eyes dip, and the way Shuri's sharpen by contrast. He has plans, he tells them those too. Extremis is the best bet. He needs a whole rescaling physically, basically. And he has some... wishlist items that are less important in the face of not dying. So they'll work on that first.
After he's done babbling on about rallying the troops to save his own life, he excuses himself from the lab to let that marinate, FRIDAY in open access mode so they can start working. He then goes upstairs, up to Steve and his daughter where they'll have the lesser version of that conversation. And already he feels so tired. Not to mention raw. And exposed. But it all evaporates, when he gets to the guest room they're in and leans in the doorway, feeling that usual warmth, watching the two of them, smile to match. He'd do anything for these two. And is damn well about to try.]
[ Steve happily goes upstairs with Alice, and though she's the least helpful little gremlin in getting things set up for their guests, he wouldn't have it any other way. He knows his real job is to distract her, so she doesn't curiously go downstairs to hang with cool aunt Shuri and awesome uncle Smart Hulk. Still kind of a weird thing for him to refer to him as Smart Hulk, honestly.
They do happen to have enough guest rooms, if Stephen's not staying, and if Rhodey isn't staying either. But Rhodey can also take the couch if he does want to stay over, or Steve will get out the air mattress for him. He'll also make himself useful by cooking them something to eat, clearing out the equipment in the center of his gym so that they have somewhere to work adjacent from the lab, if it's too crowded in there.
Then, in the middle of having Alice fluff up the pillows so that she feels like she has something to do, he spots Tony in the doorway. And he smiles big, 'cause that's his fella. That's his husband, who yes, he still has a crush on, who still gives him everything he could ever wish for. And right now, that's more time. ]
Hey honey.
[ Alice looks up and goes to hug Tony's knees, looking up at him with a big smile on her face. She does want ups again, but Tony looks tired so Steve will come pick her up instead, as she giggles because she's so heavily ticklish. He then goes to kiss Tony, and Alice murmurs a quick 'ewww' and buries her face into Steve's shoulder so she doesn't have to see her parents being gross and cute.
But then, Steve thinks, they've gotta talk. ]
Hey, sport. Your daddy and I have something to tell you. And it's pretty serious, okay?
[ Alice turns her face and looks at Steve, her hair growing darker by the day, but now a dirty blond, matching Steve's. It's shoulder-length, and wavy, curling at the very ends. And it's an unruly mess, because that tends to happen when both Steve and Tony are away from her for more than ten minutes. ]
And it's not good. But, we want you to know that daddy's gonna fix it, okay? And auntie Shuri, and uncle Bruce. They're gonna work really hard, and we're all gonna need to let them do that. Okay, baby?
[ Alice thinks this is a perfectly adequate start, so she nods in agreement and then Steve goes to seat her on the newly-made bed so they can address her together. ]
[Alice definitely has Tony wrapped around her little finger and she's probably all too aware of it, not that Tony really minds. His hand pets back her hair until Steve picks her up, unable to indulge in too much of the softness of that kiss with their little peanut gallery complaining. But even so, he can't help his smile.
Yet the expression vanishes in the very next moment, his lips pressing together and his eyes going downcast. He still has yet to really teach himself to temper even these most basic of his unique expressions. Alice soaks up everything like a sponge. Has learned a lot of his tells. This isn't really an easy conversation to have and he doesn't want to make it worse by spooking her.
Tony follows, taking a seat next to her on the bed. His fingers run back through her wild, messy hair, smoothing some of it out. They'll have to brush it out later, before she goes to bed. Sometimes he swears she must just run around headbanging all day with how ridiculous it can get. When her attention centers on him, waiting for that promised explanation he feels his heart constrict. He's never been one to softball anything, and he really does treat Alice like she's just a small adult sometimes, even when he shouldn't. But right now it feels impossible.
He wants to tell her nothing's wrong and that everything will be fine. But that's what he's basically been doing to both Steve and her for the past few months. Look where they are now.]
You know how when your dad and I went off to that big fight, and I came home, and things were different? [Literally everything about him physically had changed, overnight for her, he knows. Even though she had to wait a while to even be able to see him.] We asked all the smart people over for a little while, so that we can work on getting things back to the way they were. [He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, those big brown eyes of hers just squeezing his heart.
His tone goes just a little quieter.] So that you and dad don't have to worry anymore about how I am. And instead he can get back to worrying what mess we're making instead. How's that sound? [Really that's what he wants- of course aside saving his own life but talking about mortality with his child feels too aggressive and awful. This is a good middle ground, he thinks, because it's also the truth. He wouldn't ever undo what he did, he'd always make that choice on that battlefield over and over. To protect everyone he loved. But now that he's already through that... he just wants to get back to their lives together.]
[ It's Tony's choice whether or not he wants to talk about that, thought Steve would agree that Alice is too young to understand mortality, let alone have to face it. People haven't died around her. In fact, many people came back instead. As far as she knows, the world is a solid state unless gains are being made, and everything is beautiful and good. The most worrisome, traumatic thing is that daddy came back from battle a little scratched up, but he's doing just fine.
Except, well. Except that he's not.
But within reason, Steve wants to ensure that the world is perfect for her, just as good to her as when she'd entered it. She, with her big eyes and delicate skin, had made Steve get up every single morning, and have a little sunshine to take care of, to brighten his day, even when he didn't feel like he deserved it. And she'd made him a better man, humbled him, taught him he had so much left to learn. He knows that's how Tony feels, too. He understands that's what he's trying to preserve.
Not really understanding the consequences fully, but feeling like her fathers are a little too sad for this to be as good news as the content of what they said might suggest, she nods resolutely at him. "Okay daddy, I'll help too. I'm very smart."
Since her dads look upset, she thinks she'll do the thing that makes them both happiest, and pulls them into a hug. It makes Steve feel like he's got the best daughter in the world, and that he'd made so many right decisions to be here, because he looks at Tony and thinks he deserves this, too. He deserves to have the best daughter in the world. ]
Yes you are, honey.
[ This makes Steve smile even though he otherwise looks like he might cry, and that makes Alice smile all wide, showing them both all her teeth, which she had explained to Steve once, she needs to use more since she's going to lose them soon for her adult teeth. Steve ruffles her hair, and thinks they're going to be okay. ]
I can go downstairs and host for a bit if you want to stay up here with Alice. She did a great job fluffing the pillows. Didn't you?
Smarter than anyone downstairs, just don't tell them I told you so. I'll need you to go around and make sure everyone's math is good. [Not that Alice will understand any of the math that's going on or any of the complicated chemical compounds they'll be playing around with but that's not really important. She is so smart, and he can't keep her out of this, much as he may have wanted to. Steve's all too right. He can't put her aside and hope to work it out on his own.
Eventually he'll learn this lesson, right? This one Steve has been trying to impart on him for years? Eventually he'll learn that he can go to them and ask for help, and know that his family will always have his back. Instead of trying to figure out everything himself...
When he sees the other side of this. Maybe then he'll etch it into memory.
His hand reaches over, giving Steve's a squeeze.] Sure. For a few minutes. Can't let you get stuck in one of Uncle Rhodey's stories without backup can we? [Tony's extremely appreciative of what that offer is really for, even though Alice is giggling and agreeing. It'll give him a chance to breathe after spilling all of his guts to the collective family. And give him a chance to be with her for a little bit before they get lost to important work.
He follows Steve to the door, giving him a brief kiss to his cheek and a murmur of thanks.] I love you. [This, too, too important not to say. But he keeps his voice low because Alice is already ughing.] Just ten minutes.
[And he uses every single one of them. Once Steve is out of the room he picks Alice up straight away, ignoring the deep lingering ache in his muscles, at least aided by that mechanical arm in shouldering her weight. Then he sits, putting her in his lap, running his fingers back through her hair to start trying to detangle it. He asks her, while he's busy and she's fussing, to tell him about her day. Which she'd been trying to do when they'd come in. And while she starts going on and stops paying attention to her hair, eventually she turns it back on him. A little softer, less energetic. She knows he was out to the doctor's but clearly she wants more explanation as to why everything is happening the way it is right now.
It's always why. Smart, inquisitive, and always needing to know more. Tony does his best to assuage the fears she's so bravely trying to hide and be honest without being too honest. That the visit wasn't so good but now that they know they're going to work on fixing it. And then he asks her what she wants for dinner, because it's getting late and she turns her head backwards, staring at him with those big eyes of her and that bright smile and she asks, "Can we have cheeseburgers?" So he presses a kiss to her forehead and gives her the tried and true answer of, "We'll have to ask your dad."
Then he hugs her, holds her to him, for just a little longer. And when he's done he puts her right back on his hip where she belongs and walks her downstairs. She of course wants to get down as soon as they reach the room buzzing with talk and starts weaving around everyone just checking in, but she will eventually go right to Steve at about the time Tony's talking to Bruce, looking at something on a tablet, extending her arms so Steve will pick her up and then cup her hand to his ear and whisper that request for burgers as if it's a secret.]
[ Steve is downstairs trying to make sense of everything, but it seems like everybody's busy at work and doing their own thing. After a few minutes, Steve feels superfluous in his own house, because the scientists are there to run diagnostics and set up. In fact, the Wakandan equipment doesn't even come with a lot of heavy lifting, so Steve is quickly doing not much of anything.
So it's great that Alice comes to save him, and even has a request for dinner. He nods and then goes over to everyone to get their order from the burger place, though he thinks he'll also need to run out and get groceries in order to feed everyone who's going to be staying for days or weeks or however long.
Rhodey seems to pick up on this intuitively and pats Steve on the shoulder and gives Alice their secret handshake, before he heads off to pick up lots of groceries and all their cheeseburgers, which with Steve and Bruce under one roof is quite a lot of them.
Everyone's putting on a brave face, and Steve's feeling just a little bit useless as a contributor to this discovery. As it happens, he ranks himself slightly below morale-boosting Alice, who is currently learning some cool things from auntie Shuri. She won't be able to shut up about that later, but Steve can't find himself really minding at the moment.
Whenever he sees Tony in the zone, his heart skips a beat. But right now, it's a clawing feeling, because he's all-too-aware that even if this won't be the last time, there will be one. Life is shorter than he has bargained for, and he suddenly has to deal with the onslaught of being confronted with mortality.
But because everyone's working, Steve excuses himself to go make some use. The house will be stocked with everything but firewood, so he goes to chop down some trees and get out his anger at the world trying to take his husband away from him again. It's not until Rhodey returns that he realizes how big his pile is, and then goes to receive him and put away all the things that will keep their house full for the next few days as they all try to solve this problem together. ]
[It's all too easy. Once Tony's back down in his lab with a couple other energetic opinions and running brains, it's all too easy to lose himself almost immediately. Get sucked into this project. He and Bruce have always had a dynamic energy that sometimes was put to questionable use, but he expects this project will turn out just a little better. Especially with the additional opinionated voice of Shuri bouncing back and forth between them. But occasionally he looks up. Realizes Steve is missing. Probably out and about doing something or other but it... he's not sure how he feels about it.
He pulls up all the old data from the now defunct AIM trials. All of Maya's research and notes that she'd transferred to him moments before her death. There's a good foundation there, a lot of prior test subjects which was morbid a thought as it got. But the problem was even if he volunteered himself for the experimental serums they're going to produce, he's sure just about every voice would veto him. It's not his usual way of doing things. His projects he tests on him. But he also supposes that this one has a spectacular failure by design and if he were to go too hot, a phrase that appears a number of times in the notes, he won't come back from it.
Which is obviously the exact opposite of what they're trying to accomplish. He has all these ideas compounding and compounding and he's resolutely at work in the lab. So much so that when the food arrives and Alice comes to get the trio, Tony almost tells her that he'll grab his food later. Bruce, in fact, asks nobody in particular if his food can be brought in but Tony catches the uncomfortable look on Alice's face and knows he has to put it down. There are certain things she's used to, rhythms, cadences, and routines of their little family- dinner together, undisturbed, being one of them. No doubt thanks to Steve.
So he puts a pause in the work and lets Alice lead him by the hand back into the kitchen. Everyone's left to grab their orders and take a seat at the table and conversation about the work continues though gently shifts when Alice announces she has something she wants to talk about. She's still got them going at the table when everyone's more or less done and Tony follows Steve away from the dining table and to the kitchen sink where he wraps his arms around him from behind and rests his head at his shoulder.] Shuri's gonna expedite some compounds we'll need, should be here by tomorrow afternoon. Bruce and I are gonna start working on the injection device. Something a little more sophisticated than straps and a dubious IV. Progress already is looking good. [Just giving him a small, hopeful, update. But a little more honestly instead he then asks,] How're you doing?
[ Alice seems like both ever the genius and entertainer that her father is, enrapturing her captive audience with her announcement, throwing in lots of dramatics. She has an adoring public, and she's more than happy to let them fawn over her for a bit. Everyone had been so serious and somber today, and the mood of the room almost physically lifts as soon as Alice starts.
Steve's started on his fifth cheeseburger as he's cleaning up in the interim, but puts down his dishes, wipes his hands clean and places the cheeseburger down when Tony hugs him from behind. ]
Better now, that you're here.
[ Better now, that he's got an update. He'd been worried sick, obviously, and this is one of those things that Steve can't fix with his hands and his mind. Steve isn't going to be useful here as a rubber duck, he's just someone in the room who's too big and is an obstacle to walk or talk around. And he hates that he can't do anything to help his husband during this time, except to take his hands and sink into his embrace. ]
Sounds like it was a productive day. And hey, don't knock dubious machines. You ever need to re-engineer a whole cocoon, I know exactly what one looks like.
[ At least he's in a better mood to be making jokes right now. He turns in Tony's arms and kisses him, gently touches his face, beholds him. ]
I love you. I love our friends. I love our kid. I'm glad we have all this, Tony. I know you're all doing the best to make sure we keep it, so you just let me know what you need from me.
[ Steve calls the shots out in the field but Tony calls them in the research department. And if he orders Steve to stay out, he will. If he orders Steve to make himself useful by getting everyone coffee and keeping them on a supply of hidden snacks, he will. And if he orders Steve to distract Alice and watch her and get them both to ignore what's going on downstairs then, that'll be the hardest, but he'll try.
There's also the matter that when Tony finishes up with extremis, he won't look like this anymore. And yes, it's not Steve's favorite look, because he knows it hurts Tony. he's got loads of scars and burns, his skin is ashy, he's got a whole arm missing. But this has been the state of Tony, and Steve loves every state of him. ]
Think we could call it a night, or are you and Bruce going to work until late?
I don't think I want to be a pod-person per say, but your expertise in the area might be appreciated. [The whole hooked to an IV thing was a terrible idea, as far as Tony's concerned, and he's more interested in looking into a series of simultaneous injection sites. That might actually line up with Steve's experience with the super soldier program, but Tony's also not looking to get super soldiered. There's only room enough for one of those in this marriage. Though... he has spoken with Bruce. About how he may be interested in not just reversing the damage done from the snap. But they'll get there when they get there.
His head tilts a little, closer into the feel of Steve's hands. His smile is still tired, probably as it had been these past few months, but a little more honest now.] I just need you. [Steve might not be able to mentally contribute in the lab, but Tony finds his presence important and precious. Steve is his rock. Has been for quite some time now. Definitely his partner in all things. It might be why he immediately sought out comfort, and he'll probably do it a few more times before this is through.
His hands slide up Steve's front to his chest, just resting there as he looks at him. And that smile grows just a bit wryer, as he arches a brow.] See? Still need you to coerce me now and again. [Tony is tired, to the bone. But it's always been in him to move beyond that and keep working. He definitely would have tried to tonight, even as he knows his two new science-partners are already worn out. That they need sleep so they can get started on the right track tomorrow. Even if they'd gone to bed, Tony might have continued on without them, nursing coffee after coffee.]
We can call it a night. I think Alice will try to stay up if I don't. [Which is what she always did. If Tony was working on something she'd sneak downstairs. Like clockwork.] You, too, probably. [He's acutely aware of how his more terrible tendencies have an effect on his family. His expression looks both amused and pained then, for a few seconds.] Should've seen the look on her face when Bruce almost overrode her need to sit at the dinner table.
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The thought of some other universe where Howard had found Steve and Steve had just been one of his dad's friends- it gets an immediate look of distaste. He's sure Steve's not wrong. Howard definitely would have asked Steve to try and mentor him, knock some sense into him, get him to stop wasting his life as he'd so often been told. It sounds like the absolute worst. If there's a universe out there that that happened in, he feels sorry for that Tony. Because he would have missed out on something much more amazing.]
It's not about them getting on our bad side. It's whether or not they're good enough for her. [And if Tony's very honest with himself he knows he's going to be one of the annoying dads who thinks that no one could possibly be good enough for his daughter.]
We'll see about that. I imagine she'll start making a few AIs of her own eventually. One day she'll outclass me. You can bet on that. [Not that he would ever push on her like that or ask her to do better. Never ever would he do that to her. Not like Howard had to him. But. ...it's more than likely. And really there's nothing more promising than knowing whatever she chooses to do she'll be stellar at it. He won't ask her to change the world, and certainly not to save it, if there's a lot of saving left to do. But Alice will be a frontline leader in whatever she puts her mind to. Tony knows this. And he's already proud of her.]
I just hope she stays on the tech side and less... [There's that thought. He sighs, takes a sip of his coffee and then shakes his head.] She's already started rooting around in the garage. I caught her with one of the Iron Man helmets the other day. I don't think I got around to telling you. [Because literally right after the entirety of his world had rearranged itself what with time travel and nearly dying. But maybe that's not even really a surprise, considering she has the little knitted LED repulsors. But still, Tony thinks. There's a huge difference between wanting toys and putting on actual gear.]
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[ That breaks his heart a little, because so many boys and girls idolize them as heroes. So why shouldn't Alice? But he knows the dangers, and he does want to keep his kid out of the family business. After all, they've both nearly died a couple times a pop, easy, and Thanos is still trying to get the last laugh. To hurt them one last time.
But if anything, Steve knows she'll understand. Because she's seen Tony's sacrifice, she lives with it every day. She's seen everyone else's scars, heard sanitized versions of their stories. She'll know most of all what a difficult life this would be. ]
We can't stop her, but we could discourage her. I was kinda thinking... in a perfect world, where we could retire, there wouldn't be any need for her to take up our mantles.
[ Yeah, yeah. He knows. Giddy optimism, perfect teeth. It doesn't make it less what he feels, that he thought they'd be further along by now, that he'd rather keep fighting until his legs give out, to not have Alice have to take his place. The world isn't ready to lose Iron Man, but Steve Rogers is neither ready to lose him nor see his protege take his place. ]
Kids never keep their interests that long but... I'm still hoping the most she wants out of life is to be an engineer. Or an artist. Maybe an actress. A harpist. Just. Just not that.
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Discouraging only makes them do the thing more. Trust me. I can't even relive what Peter did with that whole street-level weapons nightmare without sweating. [Tony had kept telling him no, no, no and the kid just didn't listen. Ever. At any point. Didn't trust Tony to handle it. Sure. It ended up alright, but for a moment there Tony had severely overreacted. ...he doesn't want to do that with Alice. Part of him is worried he might. Because he can't stand the thought of her getting into a suit or picking up a shield and being put in harm's way.]
But hey. After all this. I think I'm looking a little more at that perfect world. [Things had been nice- ...which is terrible to think. But that lapse, that five years where things were so out of whack, where everyone had to pick up the slack and there wasn't a lot of room for large scale threats... it was kind of nice. He'd probably never say that out loud because it's a terrible thing to say. He knows that. But. ...it had been nice. It had been quiet. They'd been able to focus on their family.] Not to bring down the mood or anything, but maybe the universe at large can appreciate we've given just about all we have to give. [Almost quite literally, and perhaps if he lets himself think he can't get out of this hole, still might be on track.
Because he also so desperately does not want to upset Steve again he flips the lid of the pastry box open and finds himself smiling.] That's nice. She'll like that. [Inside as asked for their pinkest pink pastry happens to be a strawberry pink swiss roll with glittery sprinkles.]
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She's done him well, but now he associates her with him, all the time. And if Alice loses one parent, he'll have to choose his daughter over the world, no question. He'll have to raise her, knowing the world took Tony from them. Knowing he couldn't ever risk having his child have to bury both her parents in short succession, because both of them knew what it was to be young and without them. ]
We can retire after this.
[ The two of them, together, he means. He doesn't want to imagine a future without Tony in it. ]
You, me. Stay at the house. Get paged in only on emergencies.
[ And spend most of their days sitting on their chairs in the backyard, overlooking the calm of the water. Those are some of the most beautiful memories he has with Tony there. They could make so many more. ]
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No quitting. No end. The world was not guaranteed safety and they had jobs to do. It was the very thing that ruined his relationship with Pepper. It was one of the biggest reasons he'd felt safety building a future with Steve. Because they both understood it.
Now... hearing Steve say it? He finds himself a little awestruck. The team has been reformed by now. There are new faces. And it feels like more enhanced are coming out of the woodwork every day. But that still didn't mean the world wouldn't need them. It didn't even mean it was fair for them to stop. And yet. And yet...
Both his hands take one of Steve's, just holding him. Watching him.] I'd like that. [He barely gives voice to this, it's such a low murmur. He's never bought into the whole fate thing but after everything else he's seen maybe he should. And he's worried that they'll ruin the idea. Tempt something worse out of the fold. Tony's not really sure he could handle worse right now.]
But let's finish this, first. Before we start planning the retirement party. [Trying not to somberly voice the knowledge that this is Tony stepping around death for what probably will be the last time. He's not sure how many more times he'll get away with it. But this one last one he will. For Steve. For Alice. For their little family that he'd be lost without. He grins, then.] Not that I don't expect one. With tacky decorations and one of those annoying oversized cards everyone hates signing.
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And hey, he might still, might have something to get him out of it up his sleeve, but somehow this feels more real. That someday, Alice might have to be told that one of her parents didn't make it. And Steve thinks about that and thinks that yeah, maybe it's time to step back from the job a little bit. Cut their hours. Start to mentor the new team instead.
But he couldn't let Tony go back out there anymore, not like this. Retirement had looked nice on them, and Steve had loved every moment of seeing Alice grow up and become a little lady, not missing one second. Yes, he knew what their jobs mean to them, but he also thinks it's time. ]
Okay. We'll finish this. And then I'll get you a big sheet cake from the grocery. And you can get me a commemorative t-shirt.
[ He reaches for Tony's face, caresses his cheek. ]
Soon as we get on that jet. I'm not letting you go until landing.
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Alright, deal. You'll have to wear it all day and it'll probably be the tackiest thing money can buy. Maybe we'll have everyone sign that instead.
[It's automatic, the way his hand reaches up to cover Steve's. Holding him there. Head tilting into the touch. He'll need that, too, really. They'll seek that comfort out in each other and hopefully over a couple hours of flight time be able to get back to some sort of steady baseline so that they can talk to Alice, Rhodey, and then others when they get there. It's going to be an extremely emotionally taxing time for the both of them. Tony just hopes he has enough in the tank to keep powering through it.]
FRIDAY's flying home then, I take it. [Which she's more than capable of doing if they request for her to take the proverbial wheel. With his other hand he picks up his cup and takes the last sips of his coffee.] I think I'll need one for the road, though, but other than that, whenever you're ready. [There's a solemnness, maybe even a nervousness to the way he says this though he tries his best to keep it in check. To be strong. To stay strong. Leaving here somehow means the start of their journey, the last legs of this particular problem. Tony's confident he can get through this. But... there's always that little what-if circling somewhere. He just can't let it take him too far.]
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He gets up and walks with Tony outside once he's called for an uber to take them to the field he left the quinjet in. He doesn't want Tony to have to worry about anything right now, and he knows they're both to have a long, terrible day ahead of them.
The ride's somber, and even the driver can feel it, doesn't ask them anything. Steve has his arm around Tony the whole time, gets out in the clearing, walks Tony up the loading and straight into the bridge, where he places the box down. Over the years, they've left some personal things in here. It almost looks like a small living space, or a family car. He issues instructions for Friday, and then immediately gathers Tony up. ]
I love you.
[ Not much more needs to be said right now, he thinks. ]
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But he doesn't know what to say. Anything that came out of him would be hollow and maybe even misplaced. Really the worst thing is he wants to comfort Steve but he doesn't know how. He'll just have to get through to the other side of this and let a well-placed cheeky I told you so be the trophy. The end goal. The only way to comfort Steve is to keep living.
Worse than that, though, the bottomless need to keep active comes from the way he feels himself drifting. The tiredness he'd been ignoring and putting off settling into his bones. It's a deep ache that he can't get away from. He's glad to be out of the discomfort of the Uber and onto the jet, if only because at least there the two of them are safe to just be.
There's a warmth in Steve's presence, as he's drawn in, no resistance in him whatsoever.] I love you. [Still even after all these years soothed by their almost ritualistic call and response.] If you're not careful I'll fall asleep on you. [Then there it comes, words without a filter, not thought out very carefully. Because once he hears himself say it he regrets it. Almost like admitting yes he is that tired. Even with the recent injection of caffeine. As if it wasn't already obvious. He tries to save it.]
Coffee maker's gonna get a real workout. Almost like breaking it out of retirement. [He hasn't drank as much, in these years where things were mostly quiet. Hasn't needed to. Had settled exceptionally well when he was just tending to his family, growing with them and loving them and not worried about looming threats and a thousand projects to work on. He still tinkered and worked, mind not allowing him to ever really rest, but he certainly couldn't be said to be as active as he had when he'd been truly tumbling through his more manic states. He'd remembered what he used to be like, with the time travel equation opening up to him and then the subsequent mission immediately afterwards. He imagines this will be exactly like that.] You think anything we have around will be good enough for Shuri? [Only the warmest of teases.]
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[ If the call and response is ritual by now, then so is Steve calling Tony by one of his favored nicknames, as if to remind him that this is what he is to Steve. Not just Iron Man, not just Tony Stark, but his sweetheart. His lover, the one he's supposed to be taking care of. He takes that role extremely seriously. And sometimes it's to get in between him and a villain, and sometimes it's just to get him to admit that he's tired. ]
You can sleep on me until we get home. You should. I'll wake you.
[ He kisses Tony's hair and gives him a little ruffle. Tony consistently puts his nose to the grind until there's none left, and Steve hates it. He'll never not take an opportunity to get him to relax, to get him to lean on Steve and let him take care of things for awhile, to take care of him for awhile. ]
And I'll deal with Shuri when she gets in. Don't worry about it.
[ If indeed, Tony runs out of reasons for wanting to make it through this, besides to prove Steve wrong, he'll still chalk that up to a win. He laces their fingers together, and presses a cheek to his cheek. ]
We never lost this.
[ He smiles against Tony's cheek. ]
The first time I held your hand in the car ride over to our first date. I always thought I'd get used to this feeling, but I guess I never lost it. Still makes my heart do backflips.
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He nuzzles, just a little, almost automatically, too. At times he's never really stopped worrying, about that Steve's core facet sometimes seems to just default to being the strong one. Leading the both of them around. Tony's not sure he's ever repaid that, or will ever be able to. But over the years it's been so easy to lean on that assurance, that strength.
His hand grips Steve's, as if holding on to a lifeline, but he smiles all the same.] Oh, are you telling me you still have a crush on me? [Amusement alight in his voice, in his eyes. It's fine anyway. Tony's still helplessly in love with him.]
I remember falling asleep on you then, too. On the way back. [Which had been new and strange. Never one to let his guard down so quickly but with Steve it had just felt right. Easy to trust him, not just at the helm of his car, but with his entire being.] Kinda makes me a bad co-pilot.
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I might have a crush on you. And I know, I know. It's dangerous to have a crush on a married man, but I can't help it. You give me butterflies every time.
[ He shoots him a fond look, which grows fonder yet as he recalls those days, all those years ago, and he really knew right away that Tony was the one, he thinks. That's how he remembers it, anyway. Realistically, he had originally tried not to fall for Tony too fast, but that had failed just a little spectacularly. ]
You're the greatest co-pilot, Tony. You're my man in the sky.
[ But he should let Tony get some sleep in. And, honestly, Steve should maybe get some of that too. ]
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I won't tell if you don't. Can't have people thinking you're a homewrecker.
[Despite and even during their one giant miscommunication and his lapse in judgement, Tony's feelings for Steve have never lessened. Only grown stronger. He'd found solace in Steve, stability, a partner, a home. And he knows that he'll get through this because he still has all that in Steve. Knows he'll never lose that. And he'd never take that away from Steve, either. Not so long as he can help it.
Not so long as the world doesn't require him to go through one more wormhole or snap his fingers again. Which is why the thought of staying in is so appealing. No more worrying about the shadow around the corner. Except perhaps the biggest of the big ones. He can just...
Stay.]
And you're my everything. [His man on the ground, yes, something they'd agreed to maybe more than once, what with Tony's proclivity for wanting to give Steve a suit. Something that definitely lives in the garage anyway despite being told no a million times. But he's so much more than that. Everything is the only word that will fit it all, now.
He settles, cozies in, can't fight the weariness that's settled so deeply in him, especially not now that Steve has more or less given him permission. To drift, not to go. Only a small bit of him is worried if he keeps closing his eyes he might not open them again. But he doesn't voice that. He couldn't. And maybe that's what keeps his brain firing. Allows a small trickle of ice to keep him just on the line of sleep. Because even though he's crossed his arms, even though he's laid his head at Steve's shoulder and is definitely drifting, he says,]
I know- what it is. [Babbling a little. Maybe even just to himself.] How about... Extreme Tactical Remedy, Emergency Medical Intervention Serum. [Yes. Yes it's an acronym. EXTREMIS. He's reclaiming it. So clearly it'll work. And never has there been a time when Tony wasn't ridiculous.]
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I love you, Tony Stark.
[ He whispers this into Tony's hair, when he's fairly certain he's already asleep, but it hardly matters. Tony is his to bestow love on, all he wants, even if he's not awake to hear it.
In the event that things don't work out for them, which Steve is regretting even considering, but has to admit is a distinct nonzero possibility, then he's at least very much sure that Tony will know how many he's touched. He'll know that he's so beloved by the whole world, by his team, but also most of all, by his family. By his husband, who had always planned to love him after death, provided they both live out their natural timespans, but never so soon.
But everything will work out, he thinks. He's not willing to lose him so soon, and he'll do anything within his power, and is pulling on favors for things outside his power, to accomplish this.
As promised, he does wake Tony when they land at the house, Steve choosing to do so by peppering kisses all over his face. ]
Come on. Everyone's here. I'll have to take out the air mattresses.
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A little disheveled and out of it when Steve tries to rouse him. A slow, soft noise comes out of him before he tries to start making words.]
Mn- I'm up. [He is not. But he soldiers on regardless.] Really feel like... we could do better than air mattresses. [He keeps talking because that'll help him wake up more and eventually the words start evening out and he starts sounding more alert.] Maybe we could put them up in whatever the nicest hotel is in town. [Which would be a bit away from their lake house, of course by design. Disadvantageous considering Tony will need them around the clock- or as much of around it they can stand. But. Still. They should be courteous to their guests. Especially the one that comes from direct royalty.
He settles his hand on Steve's cheek, eyes much more clear and alert as he fixes his focus on him for a few seconds while it's still just them.] Hi. [Smiling tiredly though he hardly means to, leaning in just to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Something to steady himself further before easing back.] Okay. Alright. Time to face the music. [Which is sort of what it feels like. He assumes Steve will have explained at least the minimum needed to get everyone there but Tony will have to bare a lot more- ...most importantly first, though, is Alice. Who he is dying to see, to wrap his arms around and just hold her for a little while.
And it's thinking of her that he picks up the box of pastries and hands them to Steve instead.] Your idea. You give it to her. [Tony's usual song and dance. But hey. At least he likes to give credit where it's due.]
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It seems like they all came in record time. Faster than these two, anyway, because it appears like they hitched a ride with a sorcerer. Stephen Strange, who Steve still has not forgiven for his part in making Tony this way, is acting like it's the least he could do. Steve, who is usually so mild-mannered and civil, curtly agrees with him, but then offers him the box of pastries. ]
Not the pink one, that's for Alice.
[ He does want a little privacy to explain to his daughter what's going on, but everyone's already set up a station. Shuri and Bruce come to greet them with hugs, the former gabbing on about how smart their little girl is, the latter starting to give an update as he seems to have taken up with FRIDAY.
Steve breathes a sigh of relief, and then he kisses Tony's temple. ]
I'm going to go set up the guest rooms. No air mattresses. Gotta reinforce Bruce's bed, anyway. It's nice to see you.
Strange, are you staying?
[ The wizard shakes his head no, but gives them his card. He'll be available for magical intervention, and calling on anyone else in the universe they require, apparently. Steve politely thanks him as he leaves. ]
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Rhodey's just got that look about him, Tony notes, as they enter the house. And they share a gaze that probably speaks a thousand words in a manner of seconds. Tony merely observes the ice between Steve and Strange, always partly amused and part warmed because all of that is on his behalf. He's still not sure how he feels, really. Strange made a call to save the universe. Would Tony have done differently? Clearly not, because he snapped his fingers. He's lucky Steve bested the both of them. That's all he knows.
And while he wanted to have a moment with Alice, to speak plainly and as candidly with her as possible for someone her age, it's hard to do in a home full of people who already mostly know what's going on. FRIDAY will have uploaded the files from his recent medical visit and at this point there's almost nothing he can hold back about his current state if he'd actually like some help. So he sets Alice down and tells her to accompany Steve in helping make up the guest rooms, dubbing her the official project manager here which she of course is tickled with and takes with pride.
Once she's out of the room he waits longer still until he's really sure she's out of earshot and then he unloads on their guests. Explains in perhaps a bizarrely casual and snarky way that his time is running thin and they have a small window. He ignores the way Bruce immediately goes solemn, the way Rhodey's eyes dip, and the way Shuri's sharpen by contrast. He has plans, he tells them those too. Extremis is the best bet. He needs a whole rescaling physically, basically. And he has some... wishlist items that are less important in the face of not dying. So they'll work on that first.
After he's done babbling on about rallying the troops to save his own life, he excuses himself from the lab to let that marinate, FRIDAY in open access mode so they can start working. He then goes upstairs, up to Steve and his daughter where they'll have the lesser version of that conversation. And already he feels so tired. Not to mention raw. And exposed. But it all evaporates, when he gets to the guest room they're in and leans in the doorway, feeling that usual warmth, watching the two of them, smile to match. He'd do anything for these two. And is damn well about to try.]
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They do happen to have enough guest rooms, if Stephen's not staying, and if Rhodey isn't staying either. But Rhodey can also take the couch if he does want to stay over, or Steve will get out the air mattress for him. He'll also make himself useful by cooking them something to eat, clearing out the equipment in the center of his gym so that they have somewhere to work adjacent from the lab, if it's too crowded in there.
Then, in the middle of having Alice fluff up the pillows so that she feels like she has something to do, he spots Tony in the doorway. And he smiles big, 'cause that's his fella. That's his husband, who yes, he still has a crush on, who still gives him everything he could ever wish for. And right now, that's more time. ]
Hey honey.
[ Alice looks up and goes to hug Tony's knees, looking up at him with a big smile on her face. She does want ups again, but Tony looks tired so Steve will come pick her up instead, as she giggles because she's so heavily ticklish. He then goes to kiss Tony, and Alice murmurs a quick 'ewww' and buries her face into Steve's shoulder so she doesn't have to see her parents being gross and cute.
But then, Steve thinks, they've gotta talk. ]
Hey, sport. Your daddy and I have something to tell you. And it's pretty serious, okay?
[ Alice turns her face and looks at Steve, her hair growing darker by the day, but now a dirty blond, matching Steve's. It's shoulder-length, and wavy, curling at the very ends. And it's an unruly mess, because that tends to happen when both Steve and Tony are away from her for more than ten minutes. ]
And it's not good. But, we want you to know that daddy's gonna fix it, okay? And auntie Shuri, and uncle Bruce. They're gonna work really hard, and we're all gonna need to let them do that. Okay, baby?
[ Alice thinks this is a perfectly adequate start, so she nods in agreement and then Steve goes to seat her on the newly-made bed so they can address her together. ]
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Yet the expression vanishes in the very next moment, his lips pressing together and his eyes going downcast. He still has yet to really teach himself to temper even these most basic of his unique expressions. Alice soaks up everything like a sponge. Has learned a lot of his tells. This isn't really an easy conversation to have and he doesn't want to make it worse by spooking her.
Tony follows, taking a seat next to her on the bed. His fingers run back through her wild, messy hair, smoothing some of it out. They'll have to brush it out later, before she goes to bed. Sometimes he swears she must just run around headbanging all day with how ridiculous it can get. When her attention centers on him, waiting for that promised explanation he feels his heart constrict. He's never been one to softball anything, and he really does treat Alice like she's just a small adult sometimes, even when he shouldn't. But right now it feels impossible.
He wants to tell her nothing's wrong and that everything will be fine. But that's what he's basically been doing to both Steve and her for the past few months. Look where they are now.]
You know how when your dad and I went off to that big fight, and I came home, and things were different? [Literally everything about him physically had changed, overnight for her, he knows. Even though she had to wait a while to even be able to see him.] We asked all the smart people over for a little while, so that we can work on getting things back to the way they were. [He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, those big brown eyes of hers just squeezing his heart.
His tone goes just a little quieter.] So that you and dad don't have to worry anymore about how I am. And instead he can get back to worrying what mess we're making instead. How's that sound? [Really that's what he wants- of course aside saving his own life but talking about mortality with his child feels too aggressive and awful. This is a good middle ground, he thinks, because it's also the truth. He wouldn't ever undo what he did, he'd always make that choice on that battlefield over and over. To protect everyone he loved. But now that he's already through that... he just wants to get back to their lives together.]
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Except, well. Except that he's not.
But within reason, Steve wants to ensure that the world is perfect for her, just as good to her as when she'd entered it. She, with her big eyes and delicate skin, had made Steve get up every single morning, and have a little sunshine to take care of, to brighten his day, even when he didn't feel like he deserved it. And she'd made him a better man, humbled him, taught him he had so much left to learn. He knows that's how Tony feels, too. He understands that's what he's trying to preserve.
Not really understanding the consequences fully, but feeling like her fathers are a little too sad for this to be as good news as the content of what they said might suggest, she nods resolutely at him. "Okay daddy, I'll help too. I'm very smart."
Since her dads look upset, she thinks she'll do the thing that makes them both happiest, and pulls them into a hug. It makes Steve feel like he's got the best daughter in the world, and that he'd made so many right decisions to be here, because he looks at Tony and thinks he deserves this, too. He deserves to have the best daughter in the world. ]
Yes you are, honey.
[ This makes Steve smile even though he otherwise looks like he might cry, and that makes Alice smile all wide, showing them both all her teeth, which she had explained to Steve once, she needs to use more since she's going to lose them soon for her adult teeth. Steve ruffles her hair, and thinks they're going to be okay. ]
I can go downstairs and host for a bit if you want to stay up here with Alice. She did a great job fluffing the pillows. Didn't you?
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Eventually he'll learn this lesson, right? This one Steve has been trying to impart on him for years? Eventually he'll learn that he can go to them and ask for help, and know that his family will always have his back. Instead of trying to figure out everything himself...
When he sees the other side of this. Maybe then he'll etch it into memory.
His hand reaches over, giving Steve's a squeeze.] Sure. For a few minutes. Can't let you get stuck in one of Uncle Rhodey's stories without backup can we? [Tony's extremely appreciative of what that offer is really for, even though Alice is giggling and agreeing. It'll give him a chance to breathe after spilling all of his guts to the collective family. And give him a chance to be with her for a little bit before they get lost to important work.
He follows Steve to the door, giving him a brief kiss to his cheek and a murmur of thanks.] I love you. [This, too, too important not to say. But he keeps his voice low because Alice is already ughing.] Just ten minutes.
[And he uses every single one of them. Once Steve is out of the room he picks Alice up straight away, ignoring the deep lingering ache in his muscles, at least aided by that mechanical arm in shouldering her weight. Then he sits, putting her in his lap, running his fingers back through her hair to start trying to detangle it. He asks her, while he's busy and she's fussing, to tell him about her day. Which she'd been trying to do when they'd come in. And while she starts going on and stops paying attention to her hair, eventually she turns it back on him. A little softer, less energetic. She knows he was out to the doctor's but clearly she wants more explanation as to why everything is happening the way it is right now.
It's always why. Smart, inquisitive, and always needing to know more. Tony does his best to assuage the fears she's so bravely trying to hide and be honest without being too honest. That the visit wasn't so good but now that they know they're going to work on fixing it. And then he asks her what she wants for dinner, because it's getting late and she turns her head backwards, staring at him with those big eyes of her and that bright smile and she asks, "Can we have cheeseburgers?" So he presses a kiss to her forehead and gives her the tried and true answer of, "We'll have to ask your dad."
Then he hugs her, holds her to him, for just a little longer. And when he's done he puts her right back on his hip where she belongs and walks her downstairs. She of course wants to get down as soon as they reach the room buzzing with talk and starts weaving around everyone just checking in, but she will eventually go right to Steve at about the time Tony's talking to Bruce, looking at something on a tablet, extending her arms so Steve will pick her up and then cup her hand to his ear and whisper that request for burgers as if it's a secret.]
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So it's great that Alice comes to save him, and even has a request for dinner. He nods and then goes over to everyone to get their order from the burger place, though he thinks he'll also need to run out and get groceries in order to feed everyone who's going to be staying for days or weeks or however long.
Rhodey seems to pick up on this intuitively and pats Steve on the shoulder and gives Alice their secret handshake, before he heads off to pick up lots of groceries and all their cheeseburgers, which with Steve and Bruce under one roof is quite a lot of them.
Everyone's putting on a brave face, and Steve's feeling just a little bit useless as a contributor to this discovery. As it happens, he ranks himself slightly below morale-boosting Alice, who is currently learning some cool things from auntie Shuri. She won't be able to shut up about that later, but Steve can't find himself really minding at the moment.
Whenever he sees Tony in the zone, his heart skips a beat. But right now, it's a clawing feeling, because he's all-too-aware that even if this won't be the last time, there will be one. Life is shorter than he has bargained for, and he suddenly has to deal with the onslaught of being confronted with mortality.
But because everyone's working, Steve excuses himself to go make some use. The house will be stocked with everything but firewood, so he goes to chop down some trees and get out his anger at the world trying to take his husband away from him again. It's not until Rhodey returns that he realizes how big his pile is, and then goes to receive him and put away all the things that will keep their house full for the next few days as they all try to solve this problem together. ]
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He pulls up all the old data from the now defunct AIM trials. All of Maya's research and notes that she'd transferred to him moments before her death. There's a good foundation there, a lot of prior test subjects which was morbid a thought as it got. But the problem was even if he volunteered himself for the experimental serums they're going to produce, he's sure just about every voice would veto him. It's not his usual way of doing things. His projects he tests on him. But he also supposes that this one has a spectacular failure by design and if he were to go too hot, a phrase that appears a number of times in the notes, he won't come back from it.
Which is obviously the exact opposite of what they're trying to accomplish. He has all these ideas compounding and compounding and he's resolutely at work in the lab. So much so that when the food arrives and Alice comes to get the trio, Tony almost tells her that he'll grab his food later. Bruce, in fact, asks nobody in particular if his food can be brought in but Tony catches the uncomfortable look on Alice's face and knows he has to put it down. There are certain things she's used to, rhythms, cadences, and routines of their little family- dinner together, undisturbed, being one of them. No doubt thanks to Steve.
So he puts a pause in the work and lets Alice lead him by the hand back into the kitchen. Everyone's left to grab their orders and take a seat at the table and conversation about the work continues though gently shifts when Alice announces she has something she wants to talk about. She's still got them going at the table when everyone's more or less done and Tony follows Steve away from the dining table and to the kitchen sink where he wraps his arms around him from behind and rests his head at his shoulder.] Shuri's gonna expedite some compounds we'll need, should be here by tomorrow afternoon. Bruce and I are gonna start working on the injection device. Something a little more sophisticated than straps and a dubious IV. Progress already is looking good. [Just giving him a small, hopeful, update. But a little more honestly instead he then asks,] How're you doing?
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Steve's started on his fifth cheeseburger as he's cleaning up in the interim, but puts down his dishes, wipes his hands clean and places the cheeseburger down when Tony hugs him from behind. ]
Better now, that you're here.
[ Better now, that he's got an update. He'd been worried sick, obviously, and this is one of those things that Steve can't fix with his hands and his mind. Steve isn't going to be useful here as a rubber duck, he's just someone in the room who's too big and is an obstacle to walk or talk around. And he hates that he can't do anything to help his husband during this time, except to take his hands and sink into his embrace. ]
Sounds like it was a productive day. And hey, don't knock dubious machines. You ever need to re-engineer a whole cocoon, I know exactly what one looks like.
[ At least he's in a better mood to be making jokes right now. He turns in Tony's arms and kisses him, gently touches his face, beholds him. ]
I love you. I love our friends. I love our kid. I'm glad we have all this, Tony. I know you're all doing the best to make sure we keep it, so you just let me know what you need from me.
[ Steve calls the shots out in the field but Tony calls them in the research department. And if he orders Steve to stay out, he will. If he orders Steve to make himself useful by getting everyone coffee and keeping them on a supply of hidden snacks, he will. And if he orders Steve to distract Alice and watch her and get them both to ignore what's going on downstairs then, that'll be the hardest, but he'll try.
There's also the matter that when Tony finishes up with extremis, he won't look like this anymore. And yes, it's not Steve's favorite look, because he knows it hurts Tony. he's got loads of scars and burns, his skin is ashy, he's got a whole arm missing. But this has been the state of Tony, and Steve loves every state of him. ]
Think we could call it a night, or are you and Bruce going to work until late?
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His head tilts a little, closer into the feel of Steve's hands. His smile is still tired, probably as it had been these past few months, but a little more honest now.] I just need you. [Steve might not be able to mentally contribute in the lab, but Tony finds his presence important and precious. Steve is his rock. Has been for quite some time now. Definitely his partner in all things. It might be why he immediately sought out comfort, and he'll probably do it a few more times before this is through.
His hands slide up Steve's front to his chest, just resting there as he looks at him. And that smile grows just a bit wryer, as he arches a brow.] See? Still need you to coerce me now and again. [Tony is tired, to the bone. But it's always been in him to move beyond that and keep working. He definitely would have tried to tonight, even as he knows his two new science-partners are already worn out. That they need sleep so they can get started on the right track tomorrow. Even if they'd gone to bed, Tony might have continued on without them, nursing coffee after coffee.]
We can call it a night. I think Alice will try to stay up if I don't. [Which is what she always did. If Tony was working on something she'd sneak downstairs. Like clockwork.] You, too, probably. [He's acutely aware of how his more terrible tendencies have an effect on his family. His expression looks both amused and pained then, for a few seconds.] Should've seen the look on her face when Bruce almost overrode her need to sit at the dinner table.
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