[While Tony might not hear him on the surface level, some part of him must. It aids in a better sleep. Though it's been proven time and time again that he's always had better sleep as long as it was next to Steve. Maybe he'd been running a little too hard on empty, though, because he still just feels like it's not enough.
A little disheveled and out of it when Steve tries to rouse him. A slow, soft noise comes out of him before he tries to start making words.]
Mn- I'm up. [He is not. But he soldiers on regardless.] Really feel like... we could do better than air mattresses. [He keeps talking because that'll help him wake up more and eventually the words start evening out and he starts sounding more alert.] Maybe we could put them up in whatever the nicest hotel is in town. [Which would be a bit away from their lake house, of course by design. Disadvantageous considering Tony will need them around the clock- or as much of around it they can stand. But. Still. They should be courteous to their guests. Especially the one that comes from direct royalty.
He settles his hand on Steve's cheek, eyes much more clear and alert as he fixes his focus on him for a few seconds while it's still just them.] Hi. [Smiling tiredly though he hardly means to, leaning in just to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Something to steady himself further before easing back.] Okay. Alright. Time to face the music. [Which is sort of what it feels like. He assumes Steve will have explained at least the minimum needed to get everyone there but Tony will have to bare a lot more- ...most importantly first, though, is Alice. Who he is dying to see, to wrap his arms around and just hold her for a little while.
And it's thinking of her that he picks up the box of pastries and hands them to Steve instead.] Your idea. You give it to her. [Tony's usual song and dance. But hey. At least he likes to give credit where it's due.]
[ Yeah, yeah, Tony's usual song and dance, which means Steve's crouching down and telling Alice that these pastries are because she's such a good girl, and papa and daddy wanted to treat her to something nice. And won't she help papa take them inside for all the guests, too?
It seems like they all came in record time. Faster than these two, anyway, because it appears like they hitched a ride with a sorcerer. Stephen Strange, who Steve still has not forgiven for his part in making Tony this way, is acting like it's the least he could do. Steve, who is usually so mild-mannered and civil, curtly agrees with him, but then offers him the box of pastries. ]
Not the pink one, that's for Alice.
[ He does want a little privacy to explain to his daughter what's going on, but everyone's already set up a station. Shuri and Bruce come to greet them with hugs, the former gabbing on about how smart their little girl is, the latter starting to give an update as he seems to have taken up with FRIDAY.
Steve breathes a sigh of relief, and then he kisses Tony's temple. ]
I'm going to go set up the guest rooms. No air mattresses. Gotta reinforce Bruce's bed, anyway. It's nice to see you.
Strange, are you staying?
[ The wizard shakes his head no, but gives them his card. He'll be available for magical intervention, and calling on anyone else in the universe they require, apparently. Steve politely thanks him as he leaves. ]
[The second he sees her, darting across from the house, Tony takes a knee. And while Steve tells her to take the pastries inside, he decides to aid in that because he does put his arms around her and lift her up, propping her on his hip. One of these days she'll be too old for this, and maybe he will, too. She feels heavier than he remembers but he attributes that to everything else going on. He gives none of it away, though, happy to just hold on to her and listen to her go on and on and on about her day, maybe a little too excited about so many of her favorite people around.
Rhodey's just got that look about him, Tony notes, as they enter the house. And they share a gaze that probably speaks a thousand words in a manner of seconds. Tony merely observes the ice between Steve and Strange, always partly amused and part warmed because all of that is on his behalf. He's still not sure how he feels, really. Strange made a call to save the universe. Would Tony have done differently? Clearly not, because he snapped his fingers. He's lucky Steve bested the both of them. That's all he knows.
And while he wanted to have a moment with Alice, to speak plainly and as candidly with her as possible for someone her age, it's hard to do in a home full of people who already mostly know what's going on. FRIDAY will have uploaded the files from his recent medical visit and at this point there's almost nothing he can hold back about his current state if he'd actually like some help. So he sets Alice down and tells her to accompany Steve in helping make up the guest rooms, dubbing her the official project manager here which she of course is tickled with and takes with pride.
Once she's out of the room he waits longer still until he's really sure she's out of earshot and then he unloads on their guests. Explains in perhaps a bizarrely casual and snarky way that his time is running thin and they have a small window. He ignores the way Bruce immediately goes solemn, the way Rhodey's eyes dip, and the way Shuri's sharpen by contrast. He has plans, he tells them those too. Extremis is the best bet. He needs a whole rescaling physically, basically. And he has some... wishlist items that are less important in the face of not dying. So they'll work on that first.
After he's done babbling on about rallying the troops to save his own life, he excuses himself from the lab to let that marinate, FRIDAY in open access mode so they can start working. He then goes upstairs, up to Steve and his daughter where they'll have the lesser version of that conversation. And already he feels so tired. Not to mention raw. And exposed. But it all evaporates, when he gets to the guest room they're in and leans in the doorway, feeling that usual warmth, watching the two of them, smile to match. He'd do anything for these two. And is damn well about to try.]
[ Steve happily goes upstairs with Alice, and though she's the least helpful little gremlin in getting things set up for their guests, he wouldn't have it any other way. He knows his real job is to distract her, so she doesn't curiously go downstairs to hang with cool aunt Shuri and awesome uncle Smart Hulk. Still kind of a weird thing for him to refer to him as Smart Hulk, honestly.
They do happen to have enough guest rooms, if Stephen's not staying, and if Rhodey isn't staying either. But Rhodey can also take the couch if he does want to stay over, or Steve will get out the air mattress for him. He'll also make himself useful by cooking them something to eat, clearing out the equipment in the center of his gym so that they have somewhere to work adjacent from the lab, if it's too crowded in there.
Then, in the middle of having Alice fluff up the pillows so that she feels like she has something to do, he spots Tony in the doorway. And he smiles big, 'cause that's his fella. That's his husband, who yes, he still has a crush on, who still gives him everything he could ever wish for. And right now, that's more time. ]
Hey honey.
[ Alice looks up and goes to hug Tony's knees, looking up at him with a big smile on her face. She does want ups again, but Tony looks tired so Steve will come pick her up instead, as she giggles because she's so heavily ticklish. He then goes to kiss Tony, and Alice murmurs a quick 'ewww' and buries her face into Steve's shoulder so she doesn't have to see her parents being gross and cute.
But then, Steve thinks, they've gotta talk. ]
Hey, sport. Your daddy and I have something to tell you. And it's pretty serious, okay?
[ Alice turns her face and looks at Steve, her hair growing darker by the day, but now a dirty blond, matching Steve's. It's shoulder-length, and wavy, curling at the very ends. And it's an unruly mess, because that tends to happen when both Steve and Tony are away from her for more than ten minutes. ]
And it's not good. But, we want you to know that daddy's gonna fix it, okay? And auntie Shuri, and uncle Bruce. They're gonna work really hard, and we're all gonna need to let them do that. Okay, baby?
[ Alice thinks this is a perfectly adequate start, so she nods in agreement and then Steve goes to seat her on the newly-made bed so they can address her together. ]
[Alice definitely has Tony wrapped around her little finger and she's probably all too aware of it, not that Tony really minds. His hand pets back her hair until Steve picks her up, unable to indulge in too much of the softness of that kiss with their little peanut gallery complaining. But even so, he can't help his smile.
Yet the expression vanishes in the very next moment, his lips pressing together and his eyes going downcast. He still has yet to really teach himself to temper even these most basic of his unique expressions. Alice soaks up everything like a sponge. Has learned a lot of his tells. This isn't really an easy conversation to have and he doesn't want to make it worse by spooking her.
Tony follows, taking a seat next to her on the bed. His fingers run back through her wild, messy hair, smoothing some of it out. They'll have to brush it out later, before she goes to bed. Sometimes he swears she must just run around headbanging all day with how ridiculous it can get. When her attention centers on him, waiting for that promised explanation he feels his heart constrict. He's never been one to softball anything, and he really does treat Alice like she's just a small adult sometimes, even when he shouldn't. But right now it feels impossible.
He wants to tell her nothing's wrong and that everything will be fine. But that's what he's basically been doing to both Steve and her for the past few months. Look where they are now.]
You know how when your dad and I went off to that big fight, and I came home, and things were different? [Literally everything about him physically had changed, overnight for her, he knows. Even though she had to wait a while to even be able to see him.] We asked all the smart people over for a little while, so that we can work on getting things back to the way they were. [He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, those big brown eyes of hers just squeezing his heart.
His tone goes just a little quieter.] So that you and dad don't have to worry anymore about how I am. And instead he can get back to worrying what mess we're making instead. How's that sound? [Really that's what he wants- of course aside saving his own life but talking about mortality with his child feels too aggressive and awful. This is a good middle ground, he thinks, because it's also the truth. He wouldn't ever undo what he did, he'd always make that choice on that battlefield over and over. To protect everyone he loved. But now that he's already through that... he just wants to get back to their lives together.]
[ It's Tony's choice whether or not he wants to talk about that, thought Steve would agree that Alice is too young to understand mortality, let alone have to face it. People haven't died around her. In fact, many people came back instead. As far as she knows, the world is a solid state unless gains are being made, and everything is beautiful and good. The most worrisome, traumatic thing is that daddy came back from battle a little scratched up, but he's doing just fine.
Except, well. Except that he's not.
But within reason, Steve wants to ensure that the world is perfect for her, just as good to her as when she'd entered it. She, with her big eyes and delicate skin, had made Steve get up every single morning, and have a little sunshine to take care of, to brighten his day, even when he didn't feel like he deserved it. And she'd made him a better man, humbled him, taught him he had so much left to learn. He knows that's how Tony feels, too. He understands that's what he's trying to preserve.
Not really understanding the consequences fully, but feeling like her fathers are a little too sad for this to be as good news as the content of what they said might suggest, she nods resolutely at him. "Okay daddy, I'll help too. I'm very smart."
Since her dads look upset, she thinks she'll do the thing that makes them both happiest, and pulls them into a hug. It makes Steve feel like he's got the best daughter in the world, and that he'd made so many right decisions to be here, because he looks at Tony and thinks he deserves this, too. He deserves to have the best daughter in the world. ]
Yes you are, honey.
[ This makes Steve smile even though he otherwise looks like he might cry, and that makes Alice smile all wide, showing them both all her teeth, which she had explained to Steve once, she needs to use more since she's going to lose them soon for her adult teeth. Steve ruffles her hair, and thinks they're going to be okay. ]
I can go downstairs and host for a bit if you want to stay up here with Alice. She did a great job fluffing the pillows. Didn't you?
Smarter than anyone downstairs, just don't tell them I told you so. I'll need you to go around and make sure everyone's math is good. [Not that Alice will understand any of the math that's going on or any of the complicated chemical compounds they'll be playing around with but that's not really important. She is so smart, and he can't keep her out of this, much as he may have wanted to. Steve's all too right. He can't put her aside and hope to work it out on his own.
Eventually he'll learn this lesson, right? This one Steve has been trying to impart on him for years? Eventually he'll learn that he can go to them and ask for help, and know that his family will always have his back. Instead of trying to figure out everything himself...
When he sees the other side of this. Maybe then he'll etch it into memory.
His hand reaches over, giving Steve's a squeeze.] Sure. For a few minutes. Can't let you get stuck in one of Uncle Rhodey's stories without backup can we? [Tony's extremely appreciative of what that offer is really for, even though Alice is giggling and agreeing. It'll give him a chance to breathe after spilling all of his guts to the collective family. And give him a chance to be with her for a little bit before they get lost to important work.
He follows Steve to the door, giving him a brief kiss to his cheek and a murmur of thanks.] I love you. [This, too, too important not to say. But he keeps his voice low because Alice is already ughing.] Just ten minutes.
[And he uses every single one of them. Once Steve is out of the room he picks Alice up straight away, ignoring the deep lingering ache in his muscles, at least aided by that mechanical arm in shouldering her weight. Then he sits, putting her in his lap, running his fingers back through her hair to start trying to detangle it. He asks her, while he's busy and she's fussing, to tell him about her day. Which she'd been trying to do when they'd come in. And while she starts going on and stops paying attention to her hair, eventually she turns it back on him. A little softer, less energetic. She knows he was out to the doctor's but clearly she wants more explanation as to why everything is happening the way it is right now.
It's always why. Smart, inquisitive, and always needing to know more. Tony does his best to assuage the fears she's so bravely trying to hide and be honest without being too honest. That the visit wasn't so good but now that they know they're going to work on fixing it. And then he asks her what she wants for dinner, because it's getting late and she turns her head backwards, staring at him with those big eyes of her and that bright smile and she asks, "Can we have cheeseburgers?" So he presses a kiss to her forehead and gives her the tried and true answer of, "We'll have to ask your dad."
Then he hugs her, holds her to him, for just a little longer. And when he's done he puts her right back on his hip where she belongs and walks her downstairs. She of course wants to get down as soon as they reach the room buzzing with talk and starts weaving around everyone just checking in, but she will eventually go right to Steve at about the time Tony's talking to Bruce, looking at something on a tablet, extending her arms so Steve will pick her up and then cup her hand to his ear and whisper that request for burgers as if it's a secret.]
[ Steve is downstairs trying to make sense of everything, but it seems like everybody's busy at work and doing their own thing. After a few minutes, Steve feels superfluous in his own house, because the scientists are there to run diagnostics and set up. In fact, the Wakandan equipment doesn't even come with a lot of heavy lifting, so Steve is quickly doing not much of anything.
So it's great that Alice comes to save him, and even has a request for dinner. He nods and then goes over to everyone to get their order from the burger place, though he thinks he'll also need to run out and get groceries in order to feed everyone who's going to be staying for days or weeks or however long.
Rhodey seems to pick up on this intuitively and pats Steve on the shoulder and gives Alice their secret handshake, before he heads off to pick up lots of groceries and all their cheeseburgers, which with Steve and Bruce under one roof is quite a lot of them.
Everyone's putting on a brave face, and Steve's feeling just a little bit useless as a contributor to this discovery. As it happens, he ranks himself slightly below morale-boosting Alice, who is currently learning some cool things from auntie Shuri. She won't be able to shut up about that later, but Steve can't find himself really minding at the moment.
Whenever he sees Tony in the zone, his heart skips a beat. But right now, it's a clawing feeling, because he's all-too-aware that even if this won't be the last time, there will be one. Life is shorter than he has bargained for, and he suddenly has to deal with the onslaught of being confronted with mortality.
But because everyone's working, Steve excuses himself to go make some use. The house will be stocked with everything but firewood, so he goes to chop down some trees and get out his anger at the world trying to take his husband away from him again. It's not until Rhodey returns that he realizes how big his pile is, and then goes to receive him and put away all the things that will keep their house full for the next few days as they all try to solve this problem together. ]
[It's all too easy. Once Tony's back down in his lab with a couple other energetic opinions and running brains, it's all too easy to lose himself almost immediately. Get sucked into this project. He and Bruce have always had a dynamic energy that sometimes was put to questionable use, but he expects this project will turn out just a little better. Especially with the additional opinionated voice of Shuri bouncing back and forth between them. But occasionally he looks up. Realizes Steve is missing. Probably out and about doing something or other but it... he's not sure how he feels about it.
He pulls up all the old data from the now defunct AIM trials. All of Maya's research and notes that she'd transferred to him moments before her death. There's a good foundation there, a lot of prior test subjects which was morbid a thought as it got. But the problem was even if he volunteered himself for the experimental serums they're going to produce, he's sure just about every voice would veto him. It's not his usual way of doing things. His projects he tests on him. But he also supposes that this one has a spectacular failure by design and if he were to go too hot, a phrase that appears a number of times in the notes, he won't come back from it.
Which is obviously the exact opposite of what they're trying to accomplish. He has all these ideas compounding and compounding and he's resolutely at work in the lab. So much so that when the food arrives and Alice comes to get the trio, Tony almost tells her that he'll grab his food later. Bruce, in fact, asks nobody in particular if his food can be brought in but Tony catches the uncomfortable look on Alice's face and knows he has to put it down. There are certain things she's used to, rhythms, cadences, and routines of their little family- dinner together, undisturbed, being one of them. No doubt thanks to Steve.
So he puts a pause in the work and lets Alice lead him by the hand back into the kitchen. Everyone's left to grab their orders and take a seat at the table and conversation about the work continues though gently shifts when Alice announces she has something she wants to talk about. She's still got them going at the table when everyone's more or less done and Tony follows Steve away from the dining table and to the kitchen sink where he wraps his arms around him from behind and rests his head at his shoulder.] Shuri's gonna expedite some compounds we'll need, should be here by tomorrow afternoon. Bruce and I are gonna start working on the injection device. Something a little more sophisticated than straps and a dubious IV. Progress already is looking good. [Just giving him a small, hopeful, update. But a little more honestly instead he then asks,] How're you doing?
[ Alice seems like both ever the genius and entertainer that her father is, enrapturing her captive audience with her announcement, throwing in lots of dramatics. She has an adoring public, and she's more than happy to let them fawn over her for a bit. Everyone had been so serious and somber today, and the mood of the room almost physically lifts as soon as Alice starts.
Steve's started on his fifth cheeseburger as he's cleaning up in the interim, but puts down his dishes, wipes his hands clean and places the cheeseburger down when Tony hugs him from behind. ]
Better now, that you're here.
[ Better now, that he's got an update. He'd been worried sick, obviously, and this is one of those things that Steve can't fix with his hands and his mind. Steve isn't going to be useful here as a rubber duck, he's just someone in the room who's too big and is an obstacle to walk or talk around. And he hates that he can't do anything to help his husband during this time, except to take his hands and sink into his embrace. ]
Sounds like it was a productive day. And hey, don't knock dubious machines. You ever need to re-engineer a whole cocoon, I know exactly what one looks like.
[ At least he's in a better mood to be making jokes right now. He turns in Tony's arms and kisses him, gently touches his face, beholds him. ]
I love you. I love our friends. I love our kid. I'm glad we have all this, Tony. I know you're all doing the best to make sure we keep it, so you just let me know what you need from me.
[ Steve calls the shots out in the field but Tony calls them in the research department. And if he orders Steve to stay out, he will. If he orders Steve to make himself useful by getting everyone coffee and keeping them on a supply of hidden snacks, he will. And if he orders Steve to distract Alice and watch her and get them both to ignore what's going on downstairs then, that'll be the hardest, but he'll try.
There's also the matter that when Tony finishes up with extremis, he won't look like this anymore. And yes, it's not Steve's favorite look, because he knows it hurts Tony. he's got loads of scars and burns, his skin is ashy, he's got a whole arm missing. But this has been the state of Tony, and Steve loves every state of him. ]
Think we could call it a night, or are you and Bruce going to work until late?
I don't think I want to be a pod-person per say, but your expertise in the area might be appreciated. [The whole hooked to an IV thing was a terrible idea, as far as Tony's concerned, and he's more interested in looking into a series of simultaneous injection sites. That might actually line up with Steve's experience with the super soldier program, but Tony's also not looking to get super soldiered. There's only room enough for one of those in this marriage. Though... he has spoken with Bruce. About how he may be interested in not just reversing the damage done from the snap. But they'll get there when they get there.
His head tilts a little, closer into the feel of Steve's hands. His smile is still tired, probably as it had been these past few months, but a little more honest now.] I just need you. [Steve might not be able to mentally contribute in the lab, but Tony finds his presence important and precious. Steve is his rock. Has been for quite some time now. Definitely his partner in all things. It might be why he immediately sought out comfort, and he'll probably do it a few more times before this is through.
His hands slide up Steve's front to his chest, just resting there as he looks at him. And that smile grows just a bit wryer, as he arches a brow.] See? Still need you to coerce me now and again. [Tony is tired, to the bone. But it's always been in him to move beyond that and keep working. He definitely would have tried to tonight, even as he knows his two new science-partners are already worn out. That they need sleep so they can get started on the right track tomorrow. Even if they'd gone to bed, Tony might have continued on without them, nursing coffee after coffee.]
We can call it a night. I think Alice will try to stay up if I don't. [Which is what she always did. If Tony was working on something she'd sneak downstairs. Like clockwork.] You, too, probably. [He's acutely aware of how his more terrible tendencies have an effect on his family. His expression looks both amused and pained then, for a few seconds.] Should've seen the look on her face when Bruce almost overrode her need to sit at the dinner table.
[ Hooked to an IV is maybe a bad idea. Even Steve knows it takes awhile for all that to get transferred in and moved around through the bloodstream to take effect - that's one of the reasons the serum took so many injection sites. That, and Steve had been so small. Excess was everything in those days, when everyone had to scrape by.
Tony makes such a simple request, and Steve nods his assent and leaves him a gentle kiss. ]
I'm not going anywhere, Tony. I'm all yours, remember?
[ But he does look tired, and yes, Steve will have to nag him to get a little rest. If he overdoes it, he will in fact, probably drag Bruce and Shuri along with him, and Steve makes it his priority to keep all of them in fighting condition. Not to mention, he doesn't want to be the one putting Alice down to bed when she finally does fall asleep, because then he might, as well. ]
Oh? I'll have to be there next time.
[ Steve lays just a few more kisses over Tony like falling leaves, and then lets go. ]
I'm going to draw us a bath. No complaints.
[ As long as everyone's settled in for the night, he can use the rest of the evening to indulge and take care of his sweetheart. They've had a long day. Tony's had a long month. After that, maybe they'll all sit out on the porch and look over the dark water for a bit, but work can start back up tomorrow. ]
[He hums out a soft noise.] Forever, if I remember correctly. [The thing that they'd promised each other that had been frightening and almost ridiculous as a concept. Considering their occupations, forever in that context meant more until either of their time ran out, and Tony's had a couple close calls since then. Steve's done his part to hold up that end of the bargain, so Tony's trying his hardest to match him and then some. He just needs to do all the math first.
And really, he can't help the soft amused puff of air that escapes him. Steve's one step ahead of him. Sometimes it always seemed that way. Neither of them ever had all the right answers but together at least they'd always managed. Especially with each other. Things just made sense. Steve's really more than he's ever deserved, and continues to be. He's not sure even if he lives a hundred more years that'll ever stop being true.]
Okay. Fine. [As if conceding.] No complaints. [His hands slide back down Steve's front, relinquishing their spot, before dropping completely.] I'll let the troops know they've had a serviceable first day and are allowed to knock off early. I'm sure Alice will wanna show them to their rooms. [Since she'd done such a good job of making them, obviously.]
[ Steve plants a kiss on Tony's mouth first, before he lets him go so he can tell everyone that they've done a great day's worth of work. It had been a lot, it had been a long day. If not for the sorcerers, they'd probably still be setting up lab equipment and getting settled in. So they made up a lot of time, and Steve's nerves still feel all frazzled like someone's shaken up all his cells and they haven't all quite settled yet.
He lets Tony go and do that. Alice does, in fact, want to show everyone their rooms, and she's so excited that auntie Shuri and uncle Bruce will be staying for the foreseeable future. By the time that she's all done with that, Tony can put her to bed for the night and Steve will let him have that moment.
It doesn't take him all that much time to draw them a bath, so he goes downstairs to get a little meal prep in for the crowd of people he's gotta feed. It'll just be easier if everything's ready for him to cook it in the morning, since he doesn't know when everyone will be awake, and he puts snacks out on the counter and hangs instructions on the coffee maker just in case.
When Tony's returned, there will be a full bathtub, complete with scented oils and one of those bath bombs that someone had gifted them for a Christmas or something. ]
Hey.
[ He unrolls his sleeves as he comes over and hooks an arm around Tony's waist and generally takes up all his space as he usually does. ]
[He doesn't really mind playing host for the people he's asked to very quickly give up their time to be there. Alice plays more of a guide than he does, though, which he also doesn't mind. With all the excitement bubbling through her Tony thinks she might be impossible to put down. He asks her to get ready for bed and then heads back downstairs to talk to Rhodey. Offers for him to stay if he'd like, the couch isn't that bad, but Rhodey convinces him he has somewhere else to be.
But he also then still assures him he'll be by tomorrow, and Tony takes that to mean he'll be hovering around. They both know why that is, though Rhodey covers by saying he doesn't mind watching Alice while they work. But how much more obvious could any of this be at this point, now that Steve has more or less rallied the troops because Tony's dying. They hug it out. It's nice. Before he goes Rhodey asks him to promise. Promise that he's got this. And Tony, tired as he is, will never tire of making these assurances to the people that matter so dearly to him. So he really only just says can't get rid of me that easily. Many have tried, after all. And somehow he's still standing.
He then comes back upstairs, finds Alice situated in her favorite pair of pajamas and has her sit on the bed so he can actually brush her hair out before she goes down. It's a drastic change, she seems tired, probably having all that energy crash all at once. But that's good. Once he's got all her knots out he puts her down. Tucks her in. Sits at her bedside while the two of them go through their nightly ritual of sassing each other, soft giggles no doubt audible from her room. When she's somewhere close to the cusp, he tucks her in and kisses her goodnight, turns off the light and shuts her door.
After that he goes right to their bedroom and into the bathroom, to Steve. The air is already warm, something that makes him relax just a little, but no more so than the sight of Steve. As if he hadn't just seen him fifteen minutes ago. Just always relieved to have him nearby, more as of late. He lets himself be so easily reeled in, hands lifting to rest at Steve's chest.] Hey.
[There still is no presence more reassuring to him than Steve's, and he almost feels greedy for it, after such a long day. Maybe what would be considered a long few months. His fault, he knows. There's a small knot of guilt, sitting somewhere in his stomach. Which is why he can't seem to help but ask,] You okay?
[He realizes it's such a loaded question but he can't help it.]
[ Steve gathers Tony up like the two of them are only one when they're like this, like anything where they're not holding each other is the unnatural state, and this is the way things should be. He curls his fingers into Tony's hair, and feels a whole rush of emotions even though he'd only seen him fifteen minutes prior.
The air seems to suck out of his lungs when Tony asks if he's okay.
He takes a breath. ]
No.
[ He clutches onto Tony, holds him tightly, inhales deeply. All these years and the only thing his love has done is grown. It's manifested itself in their marriage, distilled itself in that little girl. Every day she grows older, and gets smarter and kinder, is a day that Steve realizes they've done it right. They're good parents. They're a good team. ]
I was so scared today, that I was gonna lose you. And I know I'm not. I know we have a plan. I just can't shake the feeling off so easily.
[ Because Tony's worth everything to him. Just having to imagine a life without him wounded him deeply, and all wounds take time to heal. Even Steve's.
He lets go of the moment and walks over to the tub to stop the water, walks over to get his hands underneath Tony's shirt. It's a little more utilitarian than he usually disrobes Tony with, but he does take a few moments to appreciate him still, once he's a little more naked. Steve has always found him handsome, had always been proud of his scars. He drops his head to kiss Tony's shoulder. ]
[His expression weakens almost immediately and it feels like the rest of his strength goes with it. Loaded question, right. One he'd already known the answer to. His hands slip underneath Steve's arms before pressing his palms flat against Steve's back. Pulling the two of them closer together. As close as they can get. Holding on to him.
And he listens- listens without rebuffing Steve. Without saying the usual I'm fine or arguing that he will be. That's not going to help here. He thinks about how he'd feel, if Steve had suddenly dumped this on him. He probably wouldn't have handled it nearly half as well, though the outcome might've been the same. The immediate pull to get to work, to get the most important people to solve the most important crisis in a room. Because that's absolutely how Tony would see it, and he knows Steve is no different.
He can't imagine a life without Steve, at this point. And he'd practically forced that on Steve earlier this afternoon. Maybe it should've been sooner, but would it have been the same regardless? No time to think about that now. Steve can beat him up over it when he's well again.
So he just nods. Understands. Lets Steve have that because it's his and the only thing Tony can do to make it better is to survive through this and then thrive with him. A little gift for all Steve's troubles waiting at the end- at least he hopes Steve will see it that way.
It's hard to let him go but he does, stepping out of his shoes and taking off his socks. He lets Steve help him with the rest of his clothes, soothes his hands up the length of Steve's back when he leans in to give that small affection. It's been extremely difficult, to be like this. He'd had only slight issues, he remembers, when they'd first gotten together. Unresolved feelings about just how many times his chest had been cracked open and what the result of that had left lingering. And certain others from battle that he'd earned all the same but that wouldn't fade with time. Steve had never left any room for doubt that he'd found him beautiful. It had helped. But in the aftermath of the snap, he barely knows himself anymore. Definitely not the man he used to be and maybe Steve would never say so, maybe because he doesn't feel that way, but Tony wouldn't judge him if he ever felt the need to be honest about how terrible he looks.
Tony knows. But hopefully soon he can exit the painful scars and the marred flesh and resemble himself again.
He tries to quickly discard all that, hands lifting to take hold of the sides of Steve's face, thumbs brushing just underneath his eyes as he tries for a grin.] I remember something about drawing us a bath. Just wanted an excuse to dote on me? You could've just said. Still would've gotten naked for you.
[There's some things that despite all that's happened he'll never lose. One of them just being the way they are with each other. How much he loves Steve, how much he can't help tease him, and while he doesn't feel in any sense of the word gorgeous or sexy anymore, he still doesn't mind when Steve's still so receptive even after all these years. Some things never change. He'll always be glad for that. Feels more like himself in these little moments than ever.]
[ Tony would never have to feel if the shoe's on the other foot, because surely he'd have a readout from FRIDAY somewhere, telling him that Steve wasn't doing so hot, even before Steve knew it himself. And Steve isn't mad about that because he's not the vindictive type, he never needs for Tony to feel how he felt when Tony first told him. He'd felt in that moment, like a fraud of a husband for not having known, like he was going to lose his constant, that he'd wished on a monkey's paw for strength and health and it had left him bereft of his loved ones yet again.
He pushes all that aside for now - though he won't lie to Tony - but it's really not helpful to dwell on these feelings. He lets them loose like paper boats, and he'll deal with them when the current brings them back. He focuses instead on undressing Tony, who yes, has had many physical changes over the years, but is no less a sight to behold to Steve. The only thing that keeps him at bay is that Tony's body is much more delicate like this, and for the longest time that scar tissue looked so gnarly and Steve didn't want to make it worse or introduce an infection or anything.
That makes Steve very careful around Tony, which he knows must unnerve him, but Tony would also run his body into the ground if Steve wasn't around to make sure he didn't, so he can hardly feel guilty for wanting to preserve Tony's health over wanting intimacy, though he knows they both have never lost that desire for each other. ]
You know I never pass up a chance to get you naked.
[ He leaves a kiss on Tony's cheek. ]
Or to spoil you.
[ But Steve does get himself out of his shirt, and moves himself to allow Tony to help him with his jeans. Just his touch leaves Steve aroused, though with Alice having been about, he's more than used to just ignoring his body's responses. But he'd definitely never stopped finding Tony attractive, in any sense.
When he'd first come back from space, he had been skin and bones. He could hardly hold up his own weight, his muscles were so atrophied. And at the time, Steve was afraid that his lungs might give out. But he'd made sure to let Tony know that Steve still desired him, and Steve makes a concerted effort never to let Tony believe otherwise, not for a moment.
Eventually, Steve slips into the tub, turning so he can rest in Tony's arms, draping his flesh one around his front, covering over his heart with it. ]
The feeling is very mutual. [Said on a soft murmur, turning into Steve's kiss at his cheek for a second. He wastes no time, either, dropping his hands to Steve's belt to help him out of his pants and the rest of his clothes. This has been an extremely emotionally charged day so he really isn't looking to get wound up with Steve, even though sometimes they seem like they can't help it. Just might not be the right time and place.
Except for anything other than what Steve's requesting. He sinks into the tub first, a pleased, low noise escaping him on an eased breath out. The water an almost perfect temperature, something he sinks into immediately. It only gets better, though when Steve joins him.
He welcomes Steve about as close as he can have him, always just as delighted as he is anchored by him. He presses himself against Steve as he turns, fully settling with him and eventually drops his forehead to rest at Steve's shoulder, eyes closing, the sweep of his lashes drifting against Steve's skin. As deep a breath as he can take, he does, chest expanding and then slowly lets it out. His palm over Steve's heart presses in just a little, fingers flexing as he feels that steady heartbeat underneath. Something he couldn't do with the other one anymore.]
I love you. [It escapes out of him in the barest of voices, not that he needs much with how close they are. There's so much there suddenly, reassurances ache to spill out of him. He knows Steve is used to being the strong one, always, but he'd do anything at all to take the world off his shoulders. Very lately, and almost exclusively both times due to Thanos, Tony has been very aware that their troubles have left him unable, have made Steve have to carry it all. It makes him feel like he's not doing enough. Like they've fallen out as equals because he's too weak to hold up his end of their vows.
His eyes close tight, brows knotting as he swallows around a lump in his throat. The image of Steve crying in his hospital room hours ago will probably be branded into him forever. The crush of guilt is something he's intimately familiar with but when it comes to Steve it's hard to bear. Somehow his voice stays steady as he can't help himself, saying it again.] I love you.
[If that could be the only thing that mattered and the only thing that had the power to solve all their problems they'd be so lucky. The hand at Steve's chest presses just a little more, as if he could pull him any closer, face still buried in his shoulder. Maybe even a little in shame.]
[ To be held by Tony is an experience. His whole body seeming to fit around Steve's like a comfort, like a blanket. His heart beat is steady and slow, and he places both his hands over Tony's. Yes, it would be nice if Extremis could give him back the other arm. Even if it doesn't, it would be nice for Tony to be healthy again, because he's now stuck in a body similar to the one Steve was born in. It reflects his history, yes, but not his spirit. And now it's dying.
But bodies, as Steve has discovered firsthand, can change. Both the serum and extremis have low hit-rates of success, historically. Steve's only biased towards one of them, because it worked for him and he doesn't know who's judging, but he doesn't think of Tony's heart as any less good than his own. If not before, then certainly now. The point's moot, because they'd have to pick one to re-engineer and it seems like they've got the notes for Extremis, but there were options. ]
I love you. Sweetheart, I love you.
[ He's suddenly regretting the position, because he can't turn his head enough for a kiss like this, but he shifts a bit so he can. It's been a long day, and he's shed more tears than he thinks he has for the last decade, but they're going to pull through this because they've got the smartest people on Earth in their corner.
And if he detected any amount of shame in Tony's voice, he would have rooted it out and excised it. He doesn't want Tony to feel any guilt or any shame. He'd done his best to save the universe, and he had. He could have told Steve sooner, yes, but Steve knows who he married.
He's feeling reflective over their life together. He supposes that's what happens when he has to face that, despite their battles and their survivorship, they are both just human. ]
If we had to do it all again, if we started over and found ourselves in that jet on the way to Stuttgart, I don't think I'd change anything.
[ A beat, as he realizes Tony's definitely going to call him out on this so he'll beat him to the punch: ]
No, I would've taken the gauntlet.
But Tony, everything else about our life together, even the parts that weren't so great. It's perfect to me.
[Before he even can help it, a snort escapes him, head shaking a little at Steve's shoulder. It really is funny. He definitely would have called Steve out on it for sure. And just like that, that soft amusement seems to cut his tension and allow him to fill with warmth instead of regret. He finds strength then, too, to lift his head, resting it against Steve's instead.]
Well according to your most favorite person on the planet, that wasn't in the cards. But even though we both know how I feel about the whole fate idea, I'd do it again. I'd rather it was me. [And he knows Steve feels the exact opposite. But maybe that's what made them so strong as a couple. He knows Steve would have picked up that gauntlet had he had the opportunity to in a heartbeat. And Tony would, of course, if faced with that choice again, do the exact same thing. Snap one more time. To protect not only the world but Steve. And Alice. Their family. Their friends.
It's hard to share a burden that comes once in a lifetime, but Tony still knows if it had been interchangeable he could have counted on Steve to charge in and make the decision.] I wouldn't change anything either, for the record. [He finally looks at Steve, eyes perhaps shining with a slightly wet sheen. He wouldn't change anything, not even to revise their history through a romantic lens and say he'd have fallen in love with Steve sooner. It would have been impossible. They had to get on each other's nerves, poke at each other's ribs, see the worst before the both of them could have the opportunity to let it all fall away and prove each other wrong. They fell in love on their own time.]
You know on second thought, maybe one thing. [He presses a kiss to Steve's hair, grinning there lightly.] Might've found a nice well to push Ross down.
[ He knows that's what Stephen said, but after fourteen million iterations of the same set of years, surely he would have given up after finding a successful one. But Steve would have gladly taken the damage instead, because his body could handle it better. And maybe he would've been a goner as well, but he's confident Tony would have saved him from death, and he's sure that he'd be the one with the missing arm. It wouldn't be so bad, for Steve. It would hardly be a sacrifice to him, if it meant Tony was perfectly fine. If it meant that these next few weeks weren't going to be Steve sitting on the edge of his seat wondering how things are going and if they're going to make it.
It's not that Steve believes in Karma, but sometimes he wonders if life was fair, would they even be here? Because surely the two of them have enough stored up to demand just a little more from the universe. From God. He knows Tony doesn't like it, so Steve doesn't much anymore, but in times like this, he really stakes a lot of his heart in his prayers. ]
When you're all better, honey, you can do that for me as an anniversary present.
[ And yes, he's still bargaining with God to keep his husband. Steve shifts again so he can wrap his arms around Tony's waist and lie on his chest. It's not a very comfortable position in this tub, but he doesn't really care. He has to believe this is going to work, but he's still going to do everything that's in his power to make it so.
He also did say he was going to help Tony bathe, but mostly he's just been doing a lot of soaking, so he picks up some soap and ladles some water over Tony's chest, lifting his face a bit and burying it into the crook of Tony's neck. ]
You'd better be careful or I'll take you seriously. [Ross has always managed to be a giant consistent pain in the both of their asses, but Tony will always count him as one of the main antagonists that put a dent in his and Steve's relationship. The Accords. And now in the aftermath of such vivid destruction and blurred lines in the world, it seemed like they didn't even matter anymore. The UN had a lot more on their plate now than worrying about what enhanced people were doing.
Really Tony wouldn't know a lot about how often Ross was or wasn't calling him. He had an automatic protocol at this point to put him directly on hold. Had his own annoying hold music and everything. Because he would not deal with Ross' nonsense anymore unless it was a huge catastrophe and by then Tony and Steve would probably already know what was going on.
Tony's careful, as he puts both arms around Steve. Holds him. Rests his head atop Steve's, closes his eyes. Just breathes him in. He gets the sense there's so much more to say, about how fractured the two of them are. But as long as he can make it through this, they can heal together. Right now he can at least offer some physical comfort, where words feel like they just wouldn't be enough. He runs his fingers through Steve's hair, soothing it back a few times over.
And really, truly, he almost gets away with having a quiet moment. But it's him. So of course he eventually can't help himself. His mouth has to run.] I know I'm a little busted right now, but you can still lean on me. Even without the suit. [Attempting at levity to get across what he's really trying to say. He'd happily shoulder whatever burdens Steve needed help with, even the ones he'd caused- really especially those ones, because those ones were his uniquely to help deal with and heal. He can't do the healing part right now, talk not enough to satisfy. But he can't stand the thought of Steve clinging to him and holding just about everything else back.]
[ It does bother Steve sometimes that the Accords, which are so meaningless to anybody now, nearly ruined his entire relationship and his team. It would have taken away his family, it would have made it so that he and Tony would have delayed their plans, maybe indefinitely. Maybe they wouldn't have come back together, except that their love was so strong that they both would have given just about anything to stay together.
He leans back then, physically, since Tony had requested so nicely, but he knows that's not what he means. ]
I just wish we had more time to figure this out. That's all. And maybe that you'd told me, when you started having problems. I know you like to do all this by yourself, but Tony, we're a team.
It's you, and me, and Alice. I'm glad we told her, even if she's too young for all this.
[ He takes a deep breath. It's been an emotional day, one that started with Steve feeling like a hole had just opened under his feet and the gaping maw of the earth had swallowed him whole. It had felt worse than when he'd chosen to put the plane in the water, knowing that he wouldn't come back. It hurt worse than the fire that filled his lungs as they froze. He might not have died, but he'd felt what dying felt like. And dying would have been preferable, by far. ]
And I wish I was smarter. I wish I had all the answers we're trying to find. But I also want this to be the hardest thing we have to do this year.
[ Because he doesn't think he'd be able to manage it if some Thanos-level threat came back as they were trying to fight this. But right now, without Tony, Earth is severely weakened. They need him. Steve needs him. He turns Tony's hand over in his, and then lifts it to his lips to kiss. ]
[He settles just a little, when Steve leans a little more, water sloshing around them. With a steady hold, eyes forward, he listens. Because he'd asked for Steve to unload in less words. And it's hard. Not even just to agree with Steve, that he is right. Tony knows he should have said something sooner. As soon as he thought something was wrong. Certainly way before the organs are gonna start failing stage. He has no excuse. The one about him trying to work things out himself so that Steve can focus elsewhere gets blown to shreds in the next moments.
And Steve's right. What was the point of building all this, of giving himself so wholly to Steve, if he still tried to dig his way out of his own holes as if Steve wasn't standing right beside him? He has to get better. He knows this. And he promises to himself that he will try. When he gets physically better he will get better at sharing the load. Of living up to the same expectations he sets of Steve. They're a team. That's always been the case.
But the rest of it he just can't sit silent through. It prickles his ire just a little. It's not the worst downtalk Steve's ever had about himself but Tony dislikes it immensely regardless.] Honey, you're one of the smartest people I know. I don't often keep court with idiots. Your areas of expertise are just different
[Not an ounce of mere placation in any of it. Steve was sharp, and a lot smarter than many people gave him credit for. Tony remembered a time when a lot of people, teammates included... maybe even a little himself when he'd still bore hostile feelings, had thought Steve was too much of a relic to catch up to anything. But Steve is so smart. He catches on so fast. His mind moves at incredible speeds sometimes. That's why Tony's always been comfortable deferring to him.] There have been times when you've been the best lab partner I could ask for. [He presses a kiss against Steve's temple, fond smile there.] My rubber ducky. [But Steve often did one better than the one Tony still had on his desk. From all that time ago. Because Steve took information, tried to process it, and relay it back. There were plenty of times Steve had helped him talk something through. So he really won't stand for Steve even off-handedly wishing he were smarter.]
...and I know I keep saying we will get through this. But we will. Though I agree with you. I'd like our next mishaps to be on a much smaller scale. Gum getting stuck in Alice's hair. The alpacas getting loose. Carol bringing back some weird thing from space Alice wants to keep as a pet. You know. Normal stuff. [Snorting against Steve's temple, still resting there.]
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A little disheveled and out of it when Steve tries to rouse him. A slow, soft noise comes out of him before he tries to start making words.]
Mn- I'm up. [He is not. But he soldiers on regardless.] Really feel like... we could do better than air mattresses. [He keeps talking because that'll help him wake up more and eventually the words start evening out and he starts sounding more alert.] Maybe we could put them up in whatever the nicest hotel is in town. [Which would be a bit away from their lake house, of course by design. Disadvantageous considering Tony will need them around the clock- or as much of around it they can stand. But. Still. They should be courteous to their guests. Especially the one that comes from direct royalty.
He settles his hand on Steve's cheek, eyes much more clear and alert as he fixes his focus on him for a few seconds while it's still just them.] Hi. [Smiling tiredly though he hardly means to, leaning in just to press a chaste kiss to his lips. Something to steady himself further before easing back.] Okay. Alright. Time to face the music. [Which is sort of what it feels like. He assumes Steve will have explained at least the minimum needed to get everyone there but Tony will have to bare a lot more- ...most importantly first, though, is Alice. Who he is dying to see, to wrap his arms around and just hold her for a little while.
And it's thinking of her that he picks up the box of pastries and hands them to Steve instead.] Your idea. You give it to her. [Tony's usual song and dance. But hey. At least he likes to give credit where it's due.]
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It seems like they all came in record time. Faster than these two, anyway, because it appears like they hitched a ride with a sorcerer. Stephen Strange, who Steve still has not forgiven for his part in making Tony this way, is acting like it's the least he could do. Steve, who is usually so mild-mannered and civil, curtly agrees with him, but then offers him the box of pastries. ]
Not the pink one, that's for Alice.
[ He does want a little privacy to explain to his daughter what's going on, but everyone's already set up a station. Shuri and Bruce come to greet them with hugs, the former gabbing on about how smart their little girl is, the latter starting to give an update as he seems to have taken up with FRIDAY.
Steve breathes a sigh of relief, and then he kisses Tony's temple. ]
I'm going to go set up the guest rooms. No air mattresses. Gotta reinforce Bruce's bed, anyway. It's nice to see you.
Strange, are you staying?
[ The wizard shakes his head no, but gives them his card. He'll be available for magical intervention, and calling on anyone else in the universe they require, apparently. Steve politely thanks him as he leaves. ]
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Rhodey's just got that look about him, Tony notes, as they enter the house. And they share a gaze that probably speaks a thousand words in a manner of seconds. Tony merely observes the ice between Steve and Strange, always partly amused and part warmed because all of that is on his behalf. He's still not sure how he feels, really. Strange made a call to save the universe. Would Tony have done differently? Clearly not, because he snapped his fingers. He's lucky Steve bested the both of them. That's all he knows.
And while he wanted to have a moment with Alice, to speak plainly and as candidly with her as possible for someone her age, it's hard to do in a home full of people who already mostly know what's going on. FRIDAY will have uploaded the files from his recent medical visit and at this point there's almost nothing he can hold back about his current state if he'd actually like some help. So he sets Alice down and tells her to accompany Steve in helping make up the guest rooms, dubbing her the official project manager here which she of course is tickled with and takes with pride.
Once she's out of the room he waits longer still until he's really sure she's out of earshot and then he unloads on their guests. Explains in perhaps a bizarrely casual and snarky way that his time is running thin and they have a small window. He ignores the way Bruce immediately goes solemn, the way Rhodey's eyes dip, and the way Shuri's sharpen by contrast. He has plans, he tells them those too. Extremis is the best bet. He needs a whole rescaling physically, basically. And he has some... wishlist items that are less important in the face of not dying. So they'll work on that first.
After he's done babbling on about rallying the troops to save his own life, he excuses himself from the lab to let that marinate, FRIDAY in open access mode so they can start working. He then goes upstairs, up to Steve and his daughter where they'll have the lesser version of that conversation. And already he feels so tired. Not to mention raw. And exposed. But it all evaporates, when he gets to the guest room they're in and leans in the doorway, feeling that usual warmth, watching the two of them, smile to match. He'd do anything for these two. And is damn well about to try.]
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They do happen to have enough guest rooms, if Stephen's not staying, and if Rhodey isn't staying either. But Rhodey can also take the couch if he does want to stay over, or Steve will get out the air mattress for him. He'll also make himself useful by cooking them something to eat, clearing out the equipment in the center of his gym so that they have somewhere to work adjacent from the lab, if it's too crowded in there.
Then, in the middle of having Alice fluff up the pillows so that she feels like she has something to do, he spots Tony in the doorway. And he smiles big, 'cause that's his fella. That's his husband, who yes, he still has a crush on, who still gives him everything he could ever wish for. And right now, that's more time. ]
Hey honey.
[ Alice looks up and goes to hug Tony's knees, looking up at him with a big smile on her face. She does want ups again, but Tony looks tired so Steve will come pick her up instead, as she giggles because she's so heavily ticklish. He then goes to kiss Tony, and Alice murmurs a quick 'ewww' and buries her face into Steve's shoulder so she doesn't have to see her parents being gross and cute.
But then, Steve thinks, they've gotta talk. ]
Hey, sport. Your daddy and I have something to tell you. And it's pretty serious, okay?
[ Alice turns her face and looks at Steve, her hair growing darker by the day, but now a dirty blond, matching Steve's. It's shoulder-length, and wavy, curling at the very ends. And it's an unruly mess, because that tends to happen when both Steve and Tony are away from her for more than ten minutes. ]
And it's not good. But, we want you to know that daddy's gonna fix it, okay? And auntie Shuri, and uncle Bruce. They're gonna work really hard, and we're all gonna need to let them do that. Okay, baby?
[ Alice thinks this is a perfectly adequate start, so she nods in agreement and then Steve goes to seat her on the newly-made bed so they can address her together. ]
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Yet the expression vanishes in the very next moment, his lips pressing together and his eyes going downcast. He still has yet to really teach himself to temper even these most basic of his unique expressions. Alice soaks up everything like a sponge. Has learned a lot of his tells. This isn't really an easy conversation to have and he doesn't want to make it worse by spooking her.
Tony follows, taking a seat next to her on the bed. His fingers run back through her wild, messy hair, smoothing some of it out. They'll have to brush it out later, before she goes to bed. Sometimes he swears she must just run around headbanging all day with how ridiculous it can get. When her attention centers on him, waiting for that promised explanation he feels his heart constrict. He's never been one to softball anything, and he really does treat Alice like she's just a small adult sometimes, even when he shouldn't. But right now it feels impossible.
He wants to tell her nothing's wrong and that everything will be fine. But that's what he's basically been doing to both Steve and her for the past few months. Look where they are now.]
You know how when your dad and I went off to that big fight, and I came home, and things were different? [Literally everything about him physically had changed, overnight for her, he knows. Even though she had to wait a while to even be able to see him.] We asked all the smart people over for a little while, so that we can work on getting things back to the way they were. [He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, those big brown eyes of hers just squeezing his heart.
His tone goes just a little quieter.] So that you and dad don't have to worry anymore about how I am. And instead he can get back to worrying what mess we're making instead. How's that sound? [Really that's what he wants- of course aside saving his own life but talking about mortality with his child feels too aggressive and awful. This is a good middle ground, he thinks, because it's also the truth. He wouldn't ever undo what he did, he'd always make that choice on that battlefield over and over. To protect everyone he loved. But now that he's already through that... he just wants to get back to their lives together.]
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Except, well. Except that he's not.
But within reason, Steve wants to ensure that the world is perfect for her, just as good to her as when she'd entered it. She, with her big eyes and delicate skin, had made Steve get up every single morning, and have a little sunshine to take care of, to brighten his day, even when he didn't feel like he deserved it. And she'd made him a better man, humbled him, taught him he had so much left to learn. He knows that's how Tony feels, too. He understands that's what he's trying to preserve.
Not really understanding the consequences fully, but feeling like her fathers are a little too sad for this to be as good news as the content of what they said might suggest, she nods resolutely at him. "Okay daddy, I'll help too. I'm very smart."
Since her dads look upset, she thinks she'll do the thing that makes them both happiest, and pulls them into a hug. It makes Steve feel like he's got the best daughter in the world, and that he'd made so many right decisions to be here, because he looks at Tony and thinks he deserves this, too. He deserves to have the best daughter in the world. ]
Yes you are, honey.
[ This makes Steve smile even though he otherwise looks like he might cry, and that makes Alice smile all wide, showing them both all her teeth, which she had explained to Steve once, she needs to use more since she's going to lose them soon for her adult teeth. Steve ruffles her hair, and thinks they're going to be okay. ]
I can go downstairs and host for a bit if you want to stay up here with Alice. She did a great job fluffing the pillows. Didn't you?
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Eventually he'll learn this lesson, right? This one Steve has been trying to impart on him for years? Eventually he'll learn that he can go to them and ask for help, and know that his family will always have his back. Instead of trying to figure out everything himself...
When he sees the other side of this. Maybe then he'll etch it into memory.
His hand reaches over, giving Steve's a squeeze.] Sure. For a few minutes. Can't let you get stuck in one of Uncle Rhodey's stories without backup can we? [Tony's extremely appreciative of what that offer is really for, even though Alice is giggling and agreeing. It'll give him a chance to breathe after spilling all of his guts to the collective family. And give him a chance to be with her for a little bit before they get lost to important work.
He follows Steve to the door, giving him a brief kiss to his cheek and a murmur of thanks.] I love you. [This, too, too important not to say. But he keeps his voice low because Alice is already ughing.] Just ten minutes.
[And he uses every single one of them. Once Steve is out of the room he picks Alice up straight away, ignoring the deep lingering ache in his muscles, at least aided by that mechanical arm in shouldering her weight. Then he sits, putting her in his lap, running his fingers back through her hair to start trying to detangle it. He asks her, while he's busy and she's fussing, to tell him about her day. Which she'd been trying to do when they'd come in. And while she starts going on and stops paying attention to her hair, eventually she turns it back on him. A little softer, less energetic. She knows he was out to the doctor's but clearly she wants more explanation as to why everything is happening the way it is right now.
It's always why. Smart, inquisitive, and always needing to know more. Tony does his best to assuage the fears she's so bravely trying to hide and be honest without being too honest. That the visit wasn't so good but now that they know they're going to work on fixing it. And then he asks her what she wants for dinner, because it's getting late and she turns her head backwards, staring at him with those big eyes of her and that bright smile and she asks, "Can we have cheeseburgers?" So he presses a kiss to her forehead and gives her the tried and true answer of, "We'll have to ask your dad."
Then he hugs her, holds her to him, for just a little longer. And when he's done he puts her right back on his hip where she belongs and walks her downstairs. She of course wants to get down as soon as they reach the room buzzing with talk and starts weaving around everyone just checking in, but she will eventually go right to Steve at about the time Tony's talking to Bruce, looking at something on a tablet, extending her arms so Steve will pick her up and then cup her hand to his ear and whisper that request for burgers as if it's a secret.]
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So it's great that Alice comes to save him, and even has a request for dinner. He nods and then goes over to everyone to get their order from the burger place, though he thinks he'll also need to run out and get groceries in order to feed everyone who's going to be staying for days or weeks or however long.
Rhodey seems to pick up on this intuitively and pats Steve on the shoulder and gives Alice their secret handshake, before he heads off to pick up lots of groceries and all their cheeseburgers, which with Steve and Bruce under one roof is quite a lot of them.
Everyone's putting on a brave face, and Steve's feeling just a little bit useless as a contributor to this discovery. As it happens, he ranks himself slightly below morale-boosting Alice, who is currently learning some cool things from auntie Shuri. She won't be able to shut up about that later, but Steve can't find himself really minding at the moment.
Whenever he sees Tony in the zone, his heart skips a beat. But right now, it's a clawing feeling, because he's all-too-aware that even if this won't be the last time, there will be one. Life is shorter than he has bargained for, and he suddenly has to deal with the onslaught of being confronted with mortality.
But because everyone's working, Steve excuses himself to go make some use. The house will be stocked with everything but firewood, so he goes to chop down some trees and get out his anger at the world trying to take his husband away from him again. It's not until Rhodey returns that he realizes how big his pile is, and then goes to receive him and put away all the things that will keep their house full for the next few days as they all try to solve this problem together. ]
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He pulls up all the old data from the now defunct AIM trials. All of Maya's research and notes that she'd transferred to him moments before her death. There's a good foundation there, a lot of prior test subjects which was morbid a thought as it got. But the problem was even if he volunteered himself for the experimental serums they're going to produce, he's sure just about every voice would veto him. It's not his usual way of doing things. His projects he tests on him. But he also supposes that this one has a spectacular failure by design and if he were to go too hot, a phrase that appears a number of times in the notes, he won't come back from it.
Which is obviously the exact opposite of what they're trying to accomplish. He has all these ideas compounding and compounding and he's resolutely at work in the lab. So much so that when the food arrives and Alice comes to get the trio, Tony almost tells her that he'll grab his food later. Bruce, in fact, asks nobody in particular if his food can be brought in but Tony catches the uncomfortable look on Alice's face and knows he has to put it down. There are certain things she's used to, rhythms, cadences, and routines of their little family- dinner together, undisturbed, being one of them. No doubt thanks to Steve.
So he puts a pause in the work and lets Alice lead him by the hand back into the kitchen. Everyone's left to grab their orders and take a seat at the table and conversation about the work continues though gently shifts when Alice announces she has something she wants to talk about. She's still got them going at the table when everyone's more or less done and Tony follows Steve away from the dining table and to the kitchen sink where he wraps his arms around him from behind and rests his head at his shoulder.] Shuri's gonna expedite some compounds we'll need, should be here by tomorrow afternoon. Bruce and I are gonna start working on the injection device. Something a little more sophisticated than straps and a dubious IV. Progress already is looking good. [Just giving him a small, hopeful, update. But a little more honestly instead he then asks,] How're you doing?
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Steve's started on his fifth cheeseburger as he's cleaning up in the interim, but puts down his dishes, wipes his hands clean and places the cheeseburger down when Tony hugs him from behind. ]
Better now, that you're here.
[ Better now, that he's got an update. He'd been worried sick, obviously, and this is one of those things that Steve can't fix with his hands and his mind. Steve isn't going to be useful here as a rubber duck, he's just someone in the room who's too big and is an obstacle to walk or talk around. And he hates that he can't do anything to help his husband during this time, except to take his hands and sink into his embrace. ]
Sounds like it was a productive day. And hey, don't knock dubious machines. You ever need to re-engineer a whole cocoon, I know exactly what one looks like.
[ At least he's in a better mood to be making jokes right now. He turns in Tony's arms and kisses him, gently touches his face, beholds him. ]
I love you. I love our friends. I love our kid. I'm glad we have all this, Tony. I know you're all doing the best to make sure we keep it, so you just let me know what you need from me.
[ Steve calls the shots out in the field but Tony calls them in the research department. And if he orders Steve to stay out, he will. If he orders Steve to make himself useful by getting everyone coffee and keeping them on a supply of hidden snacks, he will. And if he orders Steve to distract Alice and watch her and get them both to ignore what's going on downstairs then, that'll be the hardest, but he'll try.
There's also the matter that when Tony finishes up with extremis, he won't look like this anymore. And yes, it's not Steve's favorite look, because he knows it hurts Tony. he's got loads of scars and burns, his skin is ashy, he's got a whole arm missing. But this has been the state of Tony, and Steve loves every state of him. ]
Think we could call it a night, or are you and Bruce going to work until late?
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His head tilts a little, closer into the feel of Steve's hands. His smile is still tired, probably as it had been these past few months, but a little more honest now.] I just need you. [Steve might not be able to mentally contribute in the lab, but Tony finds his presence important and precious. Steve is his rock. Has been for quite some time now. Definitely his partner in all things. It might be why he immediately sought out comfort, and he'll probably do it a few more times before this is through.
His hands slide up Steve's front to his chest, just resting there as he looks at him. And that smile grows just a bit wryer, as he arches a brow.] See? Still need you to coerce me now and again. [Tony is tired, to the bone. But it's always been in him to move beyond that and keep working. He definitely would have tried to tonight, even as he knows his two new science-partners are already worn out. That they need sleep so they can get started on the right track tomorrow. Even if they'd gone to bed, Tony might have continued on without them, nursing coffee after coffee.]
We can call it a night. I think Alice will try to stay up if I don't. [Which is what she always did. If Tony was working on something she'd sneak downstairs. Like clockwork.] You, too, probably. [He's acutely aware of how his more terrible tendencies have an effect on his family. His expression looks both amused and pained then, for a few seconds.] Should've seen the look on her face when Bruce almost overrode her need to sit at the dinner table.
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Tony makes such a simple request, and Steve nods his assent and leaves him a gentle kiss. ]
I'm not going anywhere, Tony. I'm all yours, remember?
[ But he does look tired, and yes, Steve will have to nag him to get a little rest. If he overdoes it, he will in fact, probably drag Bruce and Shuri along with him, and Steve makes it his priority to keep all of them in fighting condition. Not to mention, he doesn't want to be the one putting Alice down to bed when she finally does fall asleep, because then he might, as well. ]
Oh? I'll have to be there next time.
[ Steve lays just a few more kisses over Tony like falling leaves, and then lets go. ]
I'm going to draw us a bath. No complaints.
[ As long as everyone's settled in for the night, he can use the rest of the evening to indulge and take care of his sweetheart. They've had a long day. Tony's had a long month. After that, maybe they'll all sit out on the porch and look over the dark water for a bit, but work can start back up tomorrow. ]
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And really, he can't help the soft amused puff of air that escapes him. Steve's one step ahead of him. Sometimes it always seemed that way. Neither of them ever had all the right answers but together at least they'd always managed. Especially with each other. Things just made sense. Steve's really more than he's ever deserved, and continues to be. He's not sure even if he lives a hundred more years that'll ever stop being true.]
Okay. Fine. [As if conceding.] No complaints. [His hands slide back down Steve's front, relinquishing their spot, before dropping completely.] I'll let the troops know they've had a serviceable first day and are allowed to knock off early. I'm sure Alice will wanna show them to their rooms. [Since she'd done such a good job of making them, obviously.]
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He lets Tony go and do that. Alice does, in fact, want to show everyone their rooms, and she's so excited that auntie Shuri and uncle Bruce will be staying for the foreseeable future. By the time that she's all done with that, Tony can put her to bed for the night and Steve will let him have that moment.
It doesn't take him all that much time to draw them a bath, so he goes downstairs to get a little meal prep in for the crowd of people he's gotta feed. It'll just be easier if everything's ready for him to cook it in the morning, since he doesn't know when everyone will be awake, and he puts snacks out on the counter and hangs instructions on the coffee maker just in case.
When Tony's returned, there will be a full bathtub, complete with scented oils and one of those bath bombs that someone had gifted them for a Christmas or something. ]
Hey.
[ He unrolls his sleeves as he comes over and hooks an arm around Tony's waist and generally takes up all his space as he usually does. ]
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But he also then still assures him he'll be by tomorrow, and Tony takes that to mean he'll be hovering around. They both know why that is, though Rhodey covers by saying he doesn't mind watching Alice while they work. But how much more obvious could any of this be at this point, now that Steve has more or less rallied the troops because Tony's dying. They hug it out. It's nice. Before he goes Rhodey asks him to promise. Promise that he's got this. And Tony, tired as he is, will never tire of making these assurances to the people that matter so dearly to him. So he really only just says can't get rid of me that easily. Many have tried, after all. And somehow he's still standing.
He then comes back upstairs, finds Alice situated in her favorite pair of pajamas and has her sit on the bed so he can actually brush her hair out before she goes down. It's a drastic change, she seems tired, probably having all that energy crash all at once. But that's good. Once he's got all her knots out he puts her down. Tucks her in. Sits at her bedside while the two of them go through their nightly ritual of sassing each other, soft giggles no doubt audible from her room. When she's somewhere close to the cusp, he tucks her in and kisses her goodnight, turns off the light and shuts her door.
After that he goes right to their bedroom and into the bathroom, to Steve. The air is already warm, something that makes him relax just a little, but no more so than the sight of Steve. As if he hadn't just seen him fifteen minutes ago. Just always relieved to have him nearby, more as of late. He lets himself be so easily reeled in, hands lifting to rest at Steve's chest.] Hey.
[There still is no presence more reassuring to him than Steve's, and he almost feels greedy for it, after such a long day. Maybe what would be considered a long few months. His fault, he knows. There's a small knot of guilt, sitting somewhere in his stomach. Which is why he can't seem to help but ask,] You okay?
[He realizes it's such a loaded question but he can't help it.]
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The air seems to suck out of his lungs when Tony asks if he's okay.
He takes a breath. ]
No.
[ He clutches onto Tony, holds him tightly, inhales deeply. All these years and the only thing his love has done is grown. It's manifested itself in their marriage, distilled itself in that little girl. Every day she grows older, and gets smarter and kinder, is a day that Steve realizes they've done it right. They're good parents. They're a good team. ]
I was so scared today, that I was gonna lose you. And I know I'm not. I know we have a plan. I just can't shake the feeling off so easily.
[ Because Tony's worth everything to him. Just having to imagine a life without him wounded him deeply, and all wounds take time to heal. Even Steve's.
He lets go of the moment and walks over to the tub to stop the water, walks over to get his hands underneath Tony's shirt. It's a little more utilitarian than he usually disrobes Tony with, but he does take a few moments to appreciate him still, once he's a little more naked. Steve has always found him handsome, had always been proud of his scars. He drops his head to kiss Tony's shoulder. ]
You ready? Water's warm.
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And he listens- listens without rebuffing Steve. Without saying the usual I'm fine or arguing that he will be. That's not going to help here. He thinks about how he'd feel, if Steve had suddenly dumped this on him. He probably wouldn't have handled it nearly half as well, though the outcome might've been the same. The immediate pull to get to work, to get the most important people to solve the most important crisis in a room. Because that's absolutely how Tony would see it, and he knows Steve is no different.
He can't imagine a life without Steve, at this point. And he'd practically forced that on Steve earlier this afternoon. Maybe it should've been sooner, but would it have been the same regardless? No time to think about that now. Steve can beat him up over it when he's well again.
So he just nods. Understands. Lets Steve have that because it's his and the only thing Tony can do to make it better is to survive through this and then thrive with him. A little gift for all Steve's troubles waiting at the end- at least he hopes Steve will see it that way.
It's hard to let him go but he does, stepping out of his shoes and taking off his socks. He lets Steve help him with the rest of his clothes, soothes his hands up the length of Steve's back when he leans in to give that small affection. It's been extremely difficult, to be like this. He'd had only slight issues, he remembers, when they'd first gotten together. Unresolved feelings about just how many times his chest had been cracked open and what the result of that had left lingering. And certain others from battle that he'd earned all the same but that wouldn't fade with time. Steve had never left any room for doubt that he'd found him beautiful. It had helped. But in the aftermath of the snap, he barely knows himself anymore. Definitely not the man he used to be and maybe Steve would never say so, maybe because he doesn't feel that way, but Tony wouldn't judge him if he ever felt the need to be honest about how terrible he looks.
Tony knows. But hopefully soon he can exit the painful scars and the marred flesh and resemble himself again.
He tries to quickly discard all that, hands lifting to take hold of the sides of Steve's face, thumbs brushing just underneath his eyes as he tries for a grin.] I remember something about drawing us a bath. Just wanted an excuse to dote on me? You could've just said. Still would've gotten naked for you.
[There's some things that despite all that's happened he'll never lose. One of them just being the way they are with each other. How much he loves Steve, how much he can't help tease him, and while he doesn't feel in any sense of the word gorgeous or sexy anymore, he still doesn't mind when Steve's still so receptive even after all these years. Some things never change. He'll always be glad for that. Feels more like himself in these little moments than ever.]
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He pushes all that aside for now - though he won't lie to Tony - but it's really not helpful to dwell on these feelings. He lets them loose like paper boats, and he'll deal with them when the current brings them back. He focuses instead on undressing Tony, who yes, has had many physical changes over the years, but is no less a sight to behold to Steve. The only thing that keeps him at bay is that Tony's body is much more delicate like this, and for the longest time that scar tissue looked so gnarly and Steve didn't want to make it worse or introduce an infection or anything.
That makes Steve very careful around Tony, which he knows must unnerve him, but Tony would also run his body into the ground if Steve wasn't around to make sure he didn't, so he can hardly feel guilty for wanting to preserve Tony's health over wanting intimacy, though he knows they both have never lost that desire for each other. ]
You know I never pass up a chance to get you naked.
[ He leaves a kiss on Tony's cheek. ]
Or to spoil you.
[ But Steve does get himself out of his shirt, and moves himself to allow Tony to help him with his jeans. Just his touch leaves Steve aroused, though with Alice having been about, he's more than used to just ignoring his body's responses. But he'd definitely never stopped finding Tony attractive, in any sense.
When he'd first come back from space, he had been skin and bones. He could hardly hold up his own weight, his muscles were so atrophied. And at the time, Steve was afraid that his lungs might give out. But he'd made sure to let Tony know that Steve still desired him, and Steve makes a concerted effort never to let Tony believe otherwise, not for a moment.
Eventually, Steve slips into the tub, turning so he can rest in Tony's arms, draping his flesh one around his front, covering over his heart with it. ]
Soak with me a bit, Tony. I want you to relax.
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Except for anything other than what Steve's requesting. He sinks into the tub first, a pleased, low noise escaping him on an eased breath out. The water an almost perfect temperature, something he sinks into immediately. It only gets better, though when Steve joins him.
He welcomes Steve about as close as he can have him, always just as delighted as he is anchored by him. He presses himself against Steve as he turns, fully settling with him and eventually drops his forehead to rest at Steve's shoulder, eyes closing, the sweep of his lashes drifting against Steve's skin. As deep a breath as he can take, he does, chest expanding and then slowly lets it out. His palm over Steve's heart presses in just a little, fingers flexing as he feels that steady heartbeat underneath. Something he couldn't do with the other one anymore.]
I love you. [It escapes out of him in the barest of voices, not that he needs much with how close they are. There's so much there suddenly, reassurances ache to spill out of him. He knows Steve is used to being the strong one, always, but he'd do anything at all to take the world off his shoulders. Very lately, and almost exclusively both times due to Thanos, Tony has been very aware that their troubles have left him unable, have made Steve have to carry it all. It makes him feel like he's not doing enough. Like they've fallen out as equals because he's too weak to hold up his end of their vows.
His eyes close tight, brows knotting as he swallows around a lump in his throat. The image of Steve crying in his hospital room hours ago will probably be branded into him forever. The crush of guilt is something he's intimately familiar with but when it comes to Steve it's hard to bear. Somehow his voice stays steady as he can't help himself, saying it again.] I love you.
[If that could be the only thing that mattered and the only thing that had the power to solve all their problems they'd be so lucky. The hand at Steve's chest presses just a little more, as if he could pull him any closer, face still buried in his shoulder. Maybe even a little in shame.]
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But bodies, as Steve has discovered firsthand, can change. Both the serum and extremis have low hit-rates of success, historically. Steve's only biased towards one of them, because it worked for him and he doesn't know who's judging, but he doesn't think of Tony's heart as any less good than his own. If not before, then certainly now. The point's moot, because they'd have to pick one to re-engineer and it seems like they've got the notes for Extremis, but there were options. ]
I love you. Sweetheart, I love you.
[ He's suddenly regretting the position, because he can't turn his head enough for a kiss like this, but he shifts a bit so he can. It's been a long day, and he's shed more tears than he thinks he has for the last decade, but they're going to pull through this because they've got the smartest people on Earth in their corner.
And if he detected any amount of shame in Tony's voice, he would have rooted it out and excised it. He doesn't want Tony to feel any guilt or any shame. He'd done his best to save the universe, and he had. He could have told Steve sooner, yes, but Steve knows who he married.
He's feeling reflective over their life together. He supposes that's what happens when he has to face that, despite their battles and their survivorship, they are both just human. ]
If we had to do it all again, if we started over and found ourselves in that jet on the way to Stuttgart, I don't think I'd change anything.
[ A beat, as he realizes Tony's definitely going to call him out on this so he'll beat him to the punch: ]
No, I would've taken the gauntlet.
But Tony, everything else about our life together, even the parts that weren't so great. It's perfect to me.
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Well according to your most favorite person on the planet, that wasn't in the cards. But even though we both know how I feel about the whole fate idea, I'd do it again. I'd rather it was me. [And he knows Steve feels the exact opposite. But maybe that's what made them so strong as a couple. He knows Steve would have picked up that gauntlet had he had the opportunity to in a heartbeat. And Tony would, of course, if faced with that choice again, do the exact same thing. Snap one more time. To protect not only the world but Steve. And Alice. Their family. Their friends.
It's hard to share a burden that comes once in a lifetime, but Tony still knows if it had been interchangeable he could have counted on Steve to charge in and make the decision.] I wouldn't change anything either, for the record. [He finally looks at Steve, eyes perhaps shining with a slightly wet sheen. He wouldn't change anything, not even to revise their history through a romantic lens and say he'd have fallen in love with Steve sooner. It would have been impossible. They had to get on each other's nerves, poke at each other's ribs, see the worst before the both of them could have the opportunity to let it all fall away and prove each other wrong. They fell in love on their own time.]
You know on second thought, maybe one thing. [He presses a kiss to Steve's hair, grinning there lightly.] Might've found a nice well to push Ross down.
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It's not that Steve believes in Karma, but sometimes he wonders if life was fair, would they even be here? Because surely the two of them have enough stored up to demand just a little more from the universe. From God. He knows Tony doesn't like it, so Steve doesn't much anymore, but in times like this, he really stakes a lot of his heart in his prayers. ]
When you're all better, honey, you can do that for me as an anniversary present.
[ And yes, he's still bargaining with God to keep his husband. Steve shifts again so he can wrap his arms around Tony's waist and lie on his chest. It's not a very comfortable position in this tub, but he doesn't really care. He has to believe this is going to work, but he's still going to do everything that's in his power to make it so.
He also did say he was going to help Tony bathe, but mostly he's just been doing a lot of soaking, so he picks up some soap and ladles some water over Tony's chest, lifting his face a bit and burying it into the crook of Tony's neck. ]
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Really Tony wouldn't know a lot about how often Ross was or wasn't calling him. He had an automatic protocol at this point to put him directly on hold. Had his own annoying hold music and everything. Because he would not deal with Ross' nonsense anymore unless it was a huge catastrophe and by then Tony and Steve would probably already know what was going on.
Tony's careful, as he puts both arms around Steve. Holds him. Rests his head atop Steve's, closes his eyes. Just breathes him in. He gets the sense there's so much more to say, about how fractured the two of them are. But as long as he can make it through this, they can heal together. Right now he can at least offer some physical comfort, where words feel like they just wouldn't be enough. He runs his fingers through Steve's hair, soothing it back a few times over.
And really, truly, he almost gets away with having a quiet moment. But it's him. So of course he eventually can't help himself. His mouth has to run.] I know I'm a little busted right now, but you can still lean on me. Even without the suit. [Attempting at levity to get across what he's really trying to say. He'd happily shoulder whatever burdens Steve needed help with, even the ones he'd caused- really especially those ones, because those ones were his uniquely to help deal with and heal. He can't do the healing part right now, talk not enough to satisfy. But he can't stand the thought of Steve clinging to him and holding just about everything else back.]
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He leans back then, physically, since Tony had requested so nicely, but he knows that's not what he means. ]
I just wish we had more time to figure this out. That's all. And maybe that you'd told me, when you started having problems. I know you like to do all this by yourself, but Tony, we're a team.
It's you, and me, and Alice. I'm glad we told her, even if she's too young for all this.
[ He takes a deep breath. It's been an emotional day, one that started with Steve feeling like a hole had just opened under his feet and the gaping maw of the earth had swallowed him whole. It had felt worse than when he'd chosen to put the plane in the water, knowing that he wouldn't come back. It hurt worse than the fire that filled his lungs as they froze. He might not have died, but he'd felt what dying felt like. And dying would have been preferable, by far. ]
And I wish I was smarter. I wish I had all the answers we're trying to find. But I also want this to be the hardest thing we have to do this year.
[ Because he doesn't think he'd be able to manage it if some Thanos-level threat came back as they were trying to fight this. But right now, without Tony, Earth is severely weakened. They need him. Steve needs him. He turns Tony's hand over in his, and then lifts it to his lips to kiss. ]
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And Steve's right. What was the point of building all this, of giving himself so wholly to Steve, if he still tried to dig his way out of his own holes as if Steve wasn't standing right beside him? He has to get better. He knows this. And he promises to himself that he will try. When he gets physically better he will get better at sharing the load. Of living up to the same expectations he sets of Steve. They're a team. That's always been the case.
But the rest of it he just can't sit silent through. It prickles his ire just a little. It's not the worst downtalk Steve's ever had about himself but Tony dislikes it immensely regardless.] Honey, you're one of the smartest people I know. I don't often keep court with idiots. Your areas of expertise are just different
[Not an ounce of mere placation in any of it. Steve was sharp, and a lot smarter than many people gave him credit for. Tony remembered a time when a lot of people, teammates included... maybe even a little himself when he'd still bore hostile feelings, had thought Steve was too much of a relic to catch up to anything. But Steve is so smart. He catches on so fast. His mind moves at incredible speeds sometimes. That's why Tony's always been comfortable deferring to him.] There have been times when you've been the best lab partner I could ask for. [He presses a kiss against Steve's temple, fond smile there.] My rubber ducky. [But Steve often did one better than the one Tony still had on his desk. From all that time ago. Because Steve took information, tried to process it, and relay it back. There were plenty of times Steve had helped him talk something through. So he really won't stand for Steve even off-handedly wishing he were smarter.]
...and I know I keep saying we will get through this. But we will. Though I agree with you. I'd like our next mishaps to be on a much smaller scale. Gum getting stuck in Alice's hair. The alpacas getting loose. Carol bringing back some weird thing from space Alice wants to keep as a pet. You know. Normal stuff. [Snorting against Steve's temple, still resting there.]
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