[ He knows all he has to do is say the word and have Tony at his beck and call, doing anything for him, saying anything for him. And that's scary some days, knowing he has that power over him, knowing Tony has that power over him in return. But Steve's had people that he'd do anything for, all his life. So that part isn't the one that makes him feel dizzy with vertigo.
No, it's how unreasonable Tony could get when he wants to do something for Steve, when he wants to ensure Steve's happiness or his safety.
Someday, he thinks, that'll get them into a whole load of trouble. But today, he'll happily press more kisses to Tony's face, pepper them on his cheek and his nose and finally, his mouth. ]
I always will, sweetheart.
[ But then he furrows his brow. ]
Well, I love you. And I didn't even do anything. Just drove you home.
[ He takes Tony's hand and kisses the inside of his wrist, lays it gently on his cheek, cuddles into him so they can settle in for the night. Tony's not making a whole lot of sense right now but he often doesn't. And when he's drunk, he's at his most honest. It's not that he ever lies or really hides things from Steve, but he does want him to keep going because these are the most unfiltered, slightly inscrutable Tony thoughts he could possibly receive, and he treasures them. ]
[His eyelids feel too heavy to keep open at this point. He's on the cusp- but Steve's still moving around a little, even if it's to settle them all the more. He's comfortable. And warm. It's nice. But there's a narrative here that obviously he can't just leave alone.]
You always come. When I call. Sometimes even when I don't. But you know.
[The times when Steve shows up for him even when Tony doesn't ask for him are the most important parts, he feels. Times when he'd rather soldier on alone, never mind the mountain of reasons why during any given moment. Those are the most precious. Those are the most important.
Because that's how this started, after all. Tony didn't put out a call, when he was suffering and determined to be alone. But Steve heard one anyway.]
You do everything. So don't say that.
[Almost like he's annoyed that Steve would try to say otherwise. To lessen the seriousness of how much Tony means this. Because he does. In his drunken, unintelligible way.]
Break the fall- I think that's what I said- you're always there, even when I was sure I'd have to hit the ground.
[Pick up. Carry on. Fix himself and walk whatever the hell he's talking about off. Any number of scenarios where he pulls his whole lone wolf act that people get increasingly mad at because he does have people. Even when he tries not to involve them in his messes. But Steve's stubborn, and sometimes he needs that too.
...just not a lot of that is translating right now.]
Even if it's just a ride home. That's what I needed. You always know.
[ He definitely thinks this confession is no longer about the drive home, but Tony's emphatic about it. He'd do this for anyone though, because that's the kind of guy Steve is. But he understands - he'd do little favors for anyone, but he'd go to the ends of the earth for Tony.
And sometimes, that's not what's even needed. Sometimes, he just needs someone to reach out and offer him a hand and refuse to pull it away. Sometimes it's just so easy and for some reason, no one's already done it for Tony. ]
Then I'm lucky. To be the guy that breaks your fall. Because, Tony, you always get up.
[ That's something admirable about him, a trait that they both share. Steve won't stay down and neither will Tony. Sometimes even when Tony's back is against the wall are times he does the best.
But Steve also thinks that's not a necessary component. ]
And I love to take care of you.
[ He thinks of it as a privilege, to get to do that, to get to brush his hair back and tell him sweet things and make him soup when he's sick and force him to accept the hospital stays when he's injured. ]
[Comes the judgement, with a smile on his lips. Thankfully the lapse in explanation isn't that long. But he's still snuggled in and about one foot out the door consciousness wise.]
That makes me the lucky one.
[He knows this by now. It's one of the reasons he wants to marry Steve. To hold onto him forever. Because the way Steve loves him, the way Steve makes him feel, the way Steve comes to his rescue even sometimes when he denies needing one at all-
It's like nothing else. Intoxicating and wonderful and it makes a part of him that's been bereft for a long time feel whole. Better. And in that tangle of thoughts that's what comes out.]
-'m better with you. Because you love me. Because I love you. [A tiny and obviously still very drunk laugh precedes the next immediate thought.] No spoilers on vows. But I do love you. Always will.
If you don't say 'I love you' at least twice in your vows, I think I'll doubt you wrote 'em.
[ That's a bit of a joke, but they do say it quite a lot, so it's not much of a spoiler or an exaggeration. He doesn't quite know just yet how to phrase it either: that Tony's the best thing he's ever had, that Tony always knows what Steve needs, that Tony always puts everything aside to attend to Steve, that he's never known love quite like this.
And loving Tony does make him feel like he's become a better man, and that all the blues left in his life are nothing but sky instead. ]
I don't think you know how easy it is to love you, Tony.
[ It comes as naturally to Steve as breathing does. He's hoping that Tony feels the same way about Steve. ]
You make it that way.
[ He knows Tony's about to fall asleep, and he should get some shut-eye too. But it seems like the two of them keep getting into this situation where they keep wanting to tell the other how much the other means to them first. ]
[Against Steve's chest as he nestles in there, there's some murmurs that have no definite shape. Words that aren't really formed until finally a half sentence escapes into the air-]
-have to take your word for it.
[Because he's not sure he believes it. Not sure why that would be true. He's trouble and he's exhausting, sometimes they get heated and usually it's his fault- so he thinks. Even if they always work it out. There's also a mountain of shadows he never seems to be able to escape from. Things he doesn't like dwelling on but that have woven scars into him he might never be rid of. Just dull, over time.
If Steve says it some part of it must be true, but he thinks, as he always does, there's probably a bias there. A rose-colored lens that being in love makes the idea of loving him easier.
Even if that is true, and he's sure some part of it is, in a tired murmur-]
[ Well, he does take that in the way that Tony loves himself but finds it difficult, and not that Tony doesn't love himself, because he would find that altogether too depressing to think about.
So he pushes that thought aside and resolves to love Tony enough for the two of them in any case, so that the point will become moot. ]
I do. Endlessly. Unconditionally. And I hope if you don't remember anything else from tonight that you remember that.
[ He assumes Tony's sobered up enough to remember this bit, anyway, but that it might get lost in the shuffle of his hangover tomorrow morning. Regardless, Steve will be repeating it over and over again. ]
You don't want anyone to know how much you care, how kind you are. You're good with kids. You don't see it, but you always guide them to do their best.
You're such a hard worker. You never have to work again, but you do. And it's not for you, it's not for legacy, it's not for money or influence. You do it because you're the only one who can. Because you want to make the world a better place.
Can I keep going? You're gonna have to let me keep going when we get up to the altar.
[There's a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, something that seems to have been a little bit of a permanent fixture since Steve showed up tonight. Steve, his favorite person, his best friend, his hero. And here he is, waxing poetic about all the good things about Tony. Things Tony isn't in a rush to see- doesn't really think on and doesn't really know if they're actually true.
Steve sees him with a kinder eye. And it's nice. To be bathed in that light. It always is. Even if it's sometimes a little too bright. A little too hard to sit under when he thinks that there are just too many other underlying factors, negative things. A large ugly life that came before he decided to make a change- and mistakes he still keeps making.
He's lucky for Steve's love this much is true. And his thoughts are a little too clouded still to start doing the refuting song and dance. Definitely not sharp enough to twist away from the commentary or redirect.
A yawn comes before his next answer, still buried into Steve's shoulder.]
Save it. For the altar, but keep talking. Your voice is one of my favorite things.
[Which has been a consistent thread for him. He loves listening to Steve's stories, loves listening to him talk about his day, about their current plans on or off the field- about anything. There's something about that deep cadence, the vibration in his chest while he's so near. The thought that he'd like to curl up on top of him, much like a cat, apparently wins out a little bit when loose uncoordinated limbs push up and he perches himself atop Steve to rest his head directly against Steve's chest, further lulled almost immediately by the strong beat of his heart.
And it doesn't matter- if Steve's been talking during the transition or started now- or even asked Tony what the hell he's doing- in a very unconnected thought while he realizes he's ten seconds to lights out, comfortable and comforted by Steve, he feels like it's very important to say one last thing-]
[ Before he was Captain America, no one had any reason to care about anything he'd had to say. And often, no one cares about what Steve Rogers wants to talk about, they only care about Cap's opinion, and Cap's words.
But Tony, his sweet Tony, doesn't care if Steve takes out the dictionary and starts reading it, he just wants to hear his voice. He hangs onto all the words as if they all have equal importance. He's smitten. And, despite not having to choose his words carefully at all, he does want to make sure they're all good ones, for Tony. ]
Thought about you all day today. And I'm thinking tomorrow we might have to cancel on Thor, but if you're feeling better by afternoon, we could all go out.
I think he wants to share some things that they do at weddings in Asgard.
And I think maybe he wants to ask us how weddings are done here, for, you know. Him and Jane.
[ All this is said with such a quiet lull, knowing that Tony's probably not even going to respond, that it's barely making its way into his consciousness. He can hear it in the way Tony's breathing slows. He always looks so peaceful when he's about to fall asleep, that Steve doesn't even want to say his name, in case it makes him wake up. Steve drops his voice down to a whisper, instead. ]
So we'll have to set a good example for them, sweetheart. But we can talk about it tomorrow morning.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No, it's how unreasonable Tony could get when he wants to do something for Steve, when he wants to ensure Steve's happiness or his safety.
Someday, he thinks, that'll get them into a whole load of trouble. But today, he'll happily press more kisses to Tony's face, pepper them on his cheek and his nose and finally, his mouth. ]
I always will, sweetheart.
[ But then he furrows his brow. ]
Well, I love you. And I didn't even do anything. Just drove you home.
[ He takes Tony's hand and kisses the inside of his wrist, lays it gently on his cheek, cuddles into him so they can settle in for the night. Tony's not making a whole lot of sense right now but he often doesn't. And when he's drunk, he's at his most honest. It's not that he ever lies or really hides things from Steve, but he does want him to keep going because these are the most unfiltered, slightly inscrutable Tony thoughts he could possibly receive, and he treasures them. ]
no subject
You always come. When I call. Sometimes even when I don't. But you know.
[The times when Steve shows up for him even when Tony doesn't ask for him are the most important parts, he feels. Times when he'd rather soldier on alone, never mind the mountain of reasons why during any given moment. Those are the most precious. Those are the most important.
Because that's how this started, after all. Tony didn't put out a call, when he was suffering and determined to be alone. But Steve heard one anyway.]
You do everything. So don't say that.
[Almost like he's annoyed that Steve would try to say otherwise. To lessen the seriousness of how much Tony means this. Because he does. In his drunken, unintelligible way.]
Break the fall- I think that's what I said- you're always there, even when I was sure I'd have to hit the ground.
[Pick up. Carry on. Fix himself and walk whatever the hell he's talking about off. Any number of scenarios where he pulls his whole lone wolf act that people get increasingly mad at because he does have people. Even when he tries not to involve them in his messes. But Steve's stubborn, and sometimes he needs that too.
...just not a lot of that is translating right now.]
Even if it's just a ride home. That's what I needed. You always know.
no subject
And sometimes, that's not what's even needed. Sometimes, he just needs someone to reach out and offer him a hand and refuse to pull it away. Sometimes it's just so easy and for some reason, no one's already done it for Tony. ]
Then I'm lucky. To be the guy that breaks your fall. Because, Tony, you always get up.
[ That's something admirable about him, a trait that they both share. Steve won't stay down and neither will Tony. Sometimes even when Tony's back is against the wall are times he does the best.
But Steve also thinks that's not a necessary component. ]
And I love to take care of you.
[ He thinks of it as a privilege, to get to do that, to get to brush his hair back and tell him sweet things and make him soup when he's sick and force him to accept the hospital stays when he's injured. ]
no subject
[Comes the judgement, with a smile on his lips. Thankfully the lapse in explanation isn't that long. But he's still snuggled in and about one foot out the door consciousness wise.]
That makes me the lucky one.
[He knows this by now. It's one of the reasons he wants to marry Steve. To hold onto him forever. Because the way Steve loves him, the way Steve makes him feel, the way Steve comes to his rescue even sometimes when he denies needing one at all-
It's like nothing else. Intoxicating and wonderful and it makes a part of him that's been bereft for a long time feel whole. Better. And in that tangle of thoughts that's what comes out.]
-'m better with you. Because you love me. Because I love you. [A tiny and obviously still very drunk laugh precedes the next immediate thought.] No spoilers on vows. But I do love you. Always will.
no subject
[ That's a bit of a joke, but they do say it quite a lot, so it's not much of a spoiler or an exaggeration. He doesn't quite know just yet how to phrase it either: that Tony's the best thing he's ever had, that Tony always knows what Steve needs, that Tony always puts everything aside to attend to Steve, that he's never known love quite like this.
And loving Tony does make him feel like he's become a better man, and that all the blues left in his life are nothing but sky instead. ]
I don't think you know how easy it is to love you, Tony.
[ It comes as naturally to Steve as breathing does. He's hoping that Tony feels the same way about Steve. ]
You make it that way.
[ He knows Tony's about to fall asleep, and he should get some shut-eye too. But it seems like the two of them keep getting into this situation where they keep wanting to tell the other how much the other means to them first. ]
no subject
-have to take your word for it.
[Because he's not sure he believes it. Not sure why that would be true. He's trouble and he's exhausting, sometimes they get heated and usually it's his fault- so he thinks. Even if they always work it out. There's also a mountain of shadows he never seems to be able to escape from. Things he doesn't like dwelling on but that have woven scars into him he might never be rid of. Just dull, over time.
If Steve says it some part of it must be true, but he thinks, as he always does, there's probably a bias there. A rose-colored lens that being in love makes the idea of loving him easier.
Even if that is true, and he's sure some part of it is, in a tired murmur-]
Glad you love me, anyway.
[Selfishness will always win that one.]
no subject
So he pushes that thought aside and resolves to love Tony enough for the two of them in any case, so that the point will become moot. ]
I do. Endlessly. Unconditionally. And I hope if you don't remember anything else from tonight that you remember that.
[ He assumes Tony's sobered up enough to remember this bit, anyway, but that it might get lost in the shuffle of his hangover tomorrow morning. Regardless, Steve will be repeating it over and over again. ]
You don't want anyone to know how much you care, how kind you are. You're good with kids. You don't see it, but you always guide them to do their best.
You're such a hard worker. You never have to work again, but you do. And it's not for you, it's not for legacy, it's not for money or influence. You do it because you're the only one who can. Because you want to make the world a better place.
Can I keep going? You're gonna have to let me keep going when we get up to the altar.
no subject
Steve sees him with a kinder eye. And it's nice. To be bathed in that light. It always is. Even if it's sometimes a little too bright. A little too hard to sit under when he thinks that there are just too many other underlying factors, negative things. A large ugly life that came before he decided to make a change- and mistakes he still keeps making.
He's lucky for Steve's love this much is true. And his thoughts are a little too clouded still to start doing the refuting song and dance. Definitely not sharp enough to twist away from the commentary or redirect.
A yawn comes before his next answer, still buried into Steve's shoulder.]
Save it. For the altar, but keep talking. Your voice is one of my favorite things.
[Which has been a consistent thread for him. He loves listening to Steve's stories, loves listening to him talk about his day, about their current plans on or off the field- about anything. There's something about that deep cadence, the vibration in his chest while he's so near. The thought that he'd like to curl up on top of him, much like a cat, apparently wins out a little bit when loose uncoordinated limbs push up and he perches himself atop Steve to rest his head directly against Steve's chest, further lulled almost immediately by the strong beat of his heart.
And it doesn't matter- if Steve's been talking during the transition or started now- or even asked Tony what the hell he's doing- in a very unconnected thought while he realizes he's ten seconds to lights out, comfortable and comforted by Steve, he feels like it's very important to say one last thing-]
Goodnight, beloved.
no subject
But Tony, his sweet Tony, doesn't care if Steve takes out the dictionary and starts reading it, he just wants to hear his voice. He hangs onto all the words as if they all have equal importance. He's smitten. And, despite not having to choose his words carefully at all, he does want to make sure they're all good ones, for Tony. ]
Thought about you all day today. And I'm thinking tomorrow we might have to cancel on Thor, but if you're feeling better by afternoon, we could all go out.
I think he wants to share some things that they do at weddings in Asgard.
And I think maybe he wants to ask us how weddings are done here, for, you know. Him and Jane.
[ All this is said with such a quiet lull, knowing that Tony's probably not even going to respond, that it's barely making its way into his consciousness. He can hear it in the way Tony's breathing slows. He always looks so peaceful when he's about to fall asleep, that Steve doesn't even want to say his name, in case it makes him wake up. Steve drops his voice down to a whisper, instead. ]
So we'll have to set a good example for them, sweetheart. But we can talk about it tomorrow morning.
Good night. I love you.